Five worst things to say in the bedroom, according to sex therapists

The last thing you want to do is kill the mood during sex – and saying these five things will do just that, according to sex therapists.

Sex can be a tricky ol' thing and it's not always as straight forward as you want to be. From men suffering with erectile dysfunction (something which is affecting more young men than ever), to people's libido being impacted by things like GLP-1s, there's sometimes bumps in the road when it comes down to bedroom business.

Discourse during sex is also a key, because I think we can all agree that talking about whose turn it is do the laundry next is far from sexy...

But there's five specific questions that sex therapists say are the ultimate no-no while getting down and dirty.

There's a series of questions that won't go down well during sex (Getty Stock)

Are you almost done yet?

We've all been there, and it's a question that a lot of women in particular have branded as the ultimate 'orgasm killer'.

Explaining why the question isn't something to be asking somebody in the bedroom, Annabelle Knight, a sex and relationship expert at Lovehoney, explained to Tyla: "Regardless of gender identity, performance can be a real source of anxiety."

She continued: "Asking if your partner is almost done can not only make them feel rushed and pressured, but also unappreciated or self-conscious. Putting your partner under pressure can make it difficult for them to stay relaxed and fully enjoy the experience, and can even delay their 'finish' further. Sex should be about mutual pleasure and connection, rather than solely reaching an end goal."

Leigh Norén, a sex therapist and coach, also shared her thoughts and said that if you find your partner is taking too long, instead of being critical you could take proactive action to help them, by turning up the heat with things you know they really like: "It usually makes it go faster."

Asking if someone is 'done yet' implies that you're clock-watching during sex (Getty Stock)

Why are you breathing so heavily?

Sometimes sex can be laborious, so people can get understandably worn out. It's important to be sympathetic about this and not make someone feel bad about getting tired.

"It’s giving 'something is wrong with you' vibes and that’s never sexy, nor is it kind," said Norén of the question.

"It’s also bound to pull you out of the moment, making you focus on something you’re doing wrong rather than something you should be wholeheartedly experiencing."

"Breathing a little bit deeper and harder during sex – or indeed any kind of physical exercise – is completely normal... drawing attention to it can create unnecessary tension and disrupt the flow," Norén went on.

It's unkind to ask somebody why they're breathing so heavily during sex (Getty Stock)

Is this your first time?

This one is undeniably savage and implies that the person you're sleeping with doesn't know what they're doing. It also signals that you're 'not impressed', said Norén.

Agreeing, Knight shared: "Not only is this question inappropriate, but it’s also unnecessary – it’s almost guaranteed that you will have had this conversation with a new partner beforehand anyway.

"For someone who is less experienced, putting the spotlight on this can make them feel incredibly uncomfortable, and even infantilise them. If you have questions about your partner’s history – which also isn’t your business – it’s far better to discuss it beforehand in an open and respectful way."

It's not advised to ask if it's someone's first time - even if it might be (Getty Stock)

Is this amount of sweat normal?

Circling back to the fact that sex can be laborious, when you're sleeping with someone you might work up a sweat in the process.

According to VeryWell Health, you can burn around 130 calories during the average sexual encounter. That works out to be the same time spending around 15 minutes running on a treadmill and, I'm not sure about you, but I'd definitely be sweating after running for 15 minutes.

Knight shared: "Similar to the comment about breathing, sweating is not something a person can help during physical exertion.

"It’s completely natural, and arguably means they are putting in a good amount of effort! Saying this can make your partner feel uncomfortable, self-conscious or embarrassed, or as though there’s something wrong with them."

Commenting on someone's sweat isn't advised either (Getty Stock)

A look of disgust

OK, this one technically isn't a question but it's still a no-no during sex — and Knight branded it 'the worst one of the lot'.

"When you’re in the heat of the moment, being on the receiving end of a look of disgust when you’re at your most vulnerable can even damage the relationship," she said.

"It can instantly make someone feel rejected or undesirable, leading to emotional distress, a lack of trust, and a breakdown in communication."

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