Expert explains why feeling an instant ‘spark’ in new relationship could be a red flag
Topics: Sex and Relationships, Instagram, Social Media
Ella Scott
Featured Image Credit: Instagram/loganury / Davin G Photography/Getty
Topics: Sex and Relationships, Instagram, Social Media
A dating expert has unveiled the reason she believes initial attraction to someone can be a negative thing.
Everyone has pet peeves and ‘red flag’ behaviours they look out for when they embark on new relationships.
Some are quick to clock toxic phrases while others believe men who refuse to watch the Barbie movie are the ones to avoid.
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However, dating coach Logan Ury believes that being drawn to someone immediately may be a hindrance in the long run.
Taking to social media in March 2021, the San Francisco-native explained to her followers that ‘slow burn’ relationships may be a healthier alternative to whirlwind romances.
Posting a quick clip to her 115,000 followers, the Californian claimed that some people think ‘a spark can’t grow over time’ - a sentiment she doesn’t agree with.
“Another problem is that people think ‘If I feel the spark, then this must be a good thing'," she began.
“That’s not true. Plenty of hot, charismatic and narcissistic people give off the spark.
“Some people are just really sparky,” she continued to explain. “And this is more of a reflection on them than what's developing between the two of you.”
Diving further into her hypothesis, the dating coach wrote in the video’s caption: “F**k the spark and go after the slow burn, someone who may not be particularly charming upon your first meeting but would make a great long-term partner.
“Slow burns take time to warm up, but they’re worth the wait.”
After watching the video, viewers have come out in their droves to debate Ury’s comments.
One Instagram user wrote: “I ordered the book today! Although I’m indifferent about the spark vs slow burn.
“I’ve dated both, but the slow burn never heated up for me. I am open minded on your thoughts and look forward to a take on modern dating!”
A second said: “Great advice. People tend to put too much stock in first impressions.”
Another wrote: “Sparky. That’s a good one.”
“I had a huge spark with a guy and it went nowhere,” typed a fourth.
While Ury claims having a ‘spark’ with someone can be a red flag, licensed counselor Suzanne Degges-White believes ghosting can be another.
Speaking to Business Insider, she claimed that one of the biggest signs of an unhealthy relationship is ‘when you find yourself engaged in self-protection, avoidance behaviors'.
She also said that subconsciously delaying going home could be a sign your relationship is on the brink.
This is because you are ‘looking for reasons to delay spending time with that person’, Degges-White added.
However, it’s not all doom and gloom as feeling hopeful about the future can point to the idea you’re with the right person.
“You're more likely to experience feelings of gratitude for the person you're with… You feel hopeful about the future - your focus is on what's coming next versus mistakes you've made.”