Expert reveals common phrase that is actually 'one of the worst things to say' at a funeral

It’s never easy knowing what to say to loved ones who are grieving.

There’s a number of go-to phrases people say, out of love, but its hard to know whether you're saying the right thing or not.

Of course, it's better to say something than nothing at all.

The questions 'what to say after a death' and 'what to say at a funeral' are highly searched - with many Reddit users having discussions via threads on what to say, and what not to say.

However, an expert has revealed that one of these 'go to phrases' is actually ‘the worst thing to say’ at a funeral - and reveals what is better to say instead.

It can be difficult to know what to say during hard times (Getty Stock Image)

Etiquette expert Laura Winsor told Metro: ‘One of the worst things you can say at a funeral is “at least they went peacefully”.’

It’s a regular phrase people use to comfort mourners, especially when an elder passes away. However, the expert warns that it can actually feel diminishing.

“Saying this can feel like it diminishes the real weight of those feelings of loss, disruption, grief and confrontation with morality for those who survive,” the expert told the publication.

Laura also advises that the funeral is about the ‘feelings of those who are still around’ as well as the death itself.

What is the best thing to say during a funeral?

Of course, there's not one straight answer, but there are some phrases that are recommended.

Although many think telling someone it’s ‘lovely to see them’ under such horrible circumstances may not be the right thing to say, Laura says it actually is, as it shows support.

However, she says that how close you are matters. So if you’re an acquaintance, you should maybe hold off on the phrase, as Laura says it doesn’t really bear much weight.’

Another common phrase, is apologising for someone’s loss, which also gets a thumbs up from the expert.

However, to make it feel even better for the person receiving the condolence message, Laura advises adding in something you enjoyed about the person who has sadly passed.

An expert reveals a phrase which is actually 'the worst thing' to say at a funeral

The topic of what to say at a funeral is widely discussed on Reddit, with many sharing their theories and experience.

In one recent thread, the OP asked other users what ‘the most comfortable thing’ someone had said to them during a funeral, and the responses were heartwarming.

“At my dad’s funeral last year, a couple of people said something like 'It was always a good day when I got to spend time with your dad,' or 'I always looked forward to seeing him at the YMCA.' Knowing that other people really enjoyed his company was kind of comforting,” wrote one poster, highlighting the importance of sharing personal anecdotes.

Another agreed: “My mom passed on 4/27. Nothing really comforted me, but it was nice to hear stories about my mom.”

A third, sharing their words of advice added: Avoid any comment that starts with 'at least.' The most comforting comment I heard after both of my parents died 9 days apart was, 'I understand.'

“Sometimes touch is the best thing when you’re hurting.”