Psychologist reveals three common ‘red flag’ phrases used by toxic partners
Topics: Sex and Relationships, Psychology
Mia Williams
Featured Image Credit: Liubomyr Vorona/Witthaya Prasongsin/Getty Images
Topics: Sex and Relationships, Psychology
A psychologist has revealed the most common toxic phrases used by toxic partners in a relationship.
Sadly, we’ve all dated a narcissist at some point - sometimes you can’t believe what comes out of their mouth, while other times they’re more difficult to spot.
They might have never presented themselves as a narcissist when you first met, but six months down the line you’re stuck in something you feel uncomfortable about.
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Now, an expert has now pinpointed exactly which phrases should be ringing alarm bells in relationships, so if you’re hearing some of these regularly, it might be time to run for the hills.
Psychologist Erin Leonard has revealed the 'seemingly innocent' phrases that could indicate that it’s time to call it a day as a couple.
Writing for Psychology Today, she said: "Bringing a problem to a narcissistic partner can be painful. It seems to ignite an ugly battle that is rarely fruitful."
So, what exactly is it we need to be wary of?
This places all ownership of the feeling on you, when in reality it’s very likely you’re feeling a certain way because of something your partner did.
It also isn’t really a genuine apology, it’s a ‘sorry you feel bad’ rather than a ‘sorry I did this thing that makes you feel bad’.
Leonard describes it as an 'anti-empathetic statement', saying that they don't care enough to try and 'understand how you feel or where you are coming from'.
The expert said a better way to word the statement would be: "I'm not sure why you're upset but I want to understand.”
Acknowledging your partner's feelings is really important.
Leonard says: "Being unfairly attacked when you are not the one who made the mistake can be maddening.
"It is natural to get upset in this situation. Yet often the narcissist takes advantage of this and accuses you of being 'out of control'."
By using this phrase they are expressing their anger by putting it all onto their partner.
If your narcissistic other half is really in your head, their words could start making you believe things that aren’t true.
This is a form of deflection where your partner attempts to inflict guilt on you, to make you forget about why you were mad in the first place.
Leonard explains: “They are communicating to you that you are not allowed to confront them or express a feeling in the relationship that they do not like.”
To maintain a healthy relationship, she adds that talking about problems between yourselves is very important.