Topics: Community, Sex and Relationships, Psychology, YouTube, Mental Health
A psychologist has told people to watch out for this toxic relationship behavior that can spell years of unhappiness.
A Los Angeles-based psychologist took to YouTube to warn people of the dangers of being in a relationship with a narcissist.
Dr. Ramani Durvasula warned that narcissistic partners will use a common manipulation tactic to get what they want. She referred to this behavior as ‘future-faking’, and explained it might not be exactly what you are thinking.
She explained “Future-faking isn’t about talking about the future in a hopeful way, that’s just wishful thinking.
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“Future-faking is trying to entice something from someone else on the basis of a future promise,” she continued.
“Future-faking is saying [that promise will] happen if the other person in the relationship just sticks around or does something.”
According to the expert, the most concerning aspect of this behavior is that they simply want to keep the relationship alive to get what they want. This can be a whole host of things: adoration, status, money, or something else from their partner.
Durvasula also highlighted a common example of future-faking. She said narcissists may tell their partner they could move to a larger home next year if their partner would just stop spending money for 12 months.
She also noted the ‘ultimate future-faking' is promising to grow old together. While this might sound sweet and innocent, she warned this could spell years of unhappiness.
Durvasula called that tactic 'utter tragedy for many people in narcissistic marriages'.
She said: “This concept of growing old together is a real roll of the dice.
“Because for one person or the other, someone in the relationship is always going to get stuck doing some caregiving, whatever that looks like.
“I have had the experience of dealing with many, many folks who have gone through and are still in long-term narcissistic intimate relationships. 40-plus years, even 50 and 60-plus years.
“[Society] didn’t talk about narcissism until relatively recently in the way that we do now. [Many people who are 40 or older] are tolerating toxic relationships but didn’t have any word or model for it.”
She reiterated that a narcissistic person will never take care of their partner in their old age despite their promises. Instead, they will make it out that your illnesses are an inconvenience to them.
If their health deteriorates instead of yours, she warned you; you will spend years taking care of a selfish person who doesn’t appreciate you.
