Expert reveals the seven key signs a relationship is doomed and what to look for
Making relationships work can be tough, but they can be even harder if you regularly do any of these potentially damaging things.
If a romantic relationship was always easy, well... the entire world wouldn’t be constantly complaining about how difficult they are.
In fact, throughout the entirety of human history, both men and women have been complaining about the ups and downs of dating. Loads of people have their own thoughts and theories on how to make a union a long-lasting one full of bliss, but sometimes, they still fall short.
Relationship expert and psychotherapist Kathy McCoy has highlighted seven clear signs that your relationship is doomed, so you need not fear anymore.
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Writing in a recent Psychology Today report, she outlined how things like unrealistic expectations, negative predictions, and even not fighting could spell disaster.
Unrealistic expectations of each other
As you can imagine, this one is pretty self-explanatory. While you might think the absolute world of your partner, they are still human.
So, McCoy noted that is important not to hold them to a super-human or deity-level status of flawlessness.
She wrote: “Those who cling stubbornly to notions of achieving relationship perfection, of never fighting or never feeling disappointed in some way, are missing opportunities to find happiness in an imperfect, but loving relationship.”
Which is actually quite a sweet way to look at a person and their flaws.
Uncompromising stances
This sign pretty much boils down to a person living and dying by the idea that it is ‘their way or the highway’ without considering their partner’s other viewpoint or feelings.
McCoy added that this inability or unwillingness to compromise can manifest contempt.
And as you can imagine, contempt towards your partner isn’t ideal.
As well as this, being uncompromising can result in ‘stonewalling’; ultimately withdrawing from discussion during conflict, and often leaving issues unsatisfyingly resolved for both parties.
Lack of conflict
Now, this one might be surprising, as some people claim that it is a good thing that they and their partner never bicker or argue.
However, McCoy explained that it could be a sign of a doomed relationship.
This is because the lack of conflict may be a sign of emotional disengagement and lack of hope.
This may then push anger and resentment beneath the surface, ultimately going unchecked, only seeping out with the odd comment or when a person is in different company.
As well as this, it can turn into numb indifference, which also isn’t good for a joyful and happy relationship.
Differences in sexual desire and unwillingness to compromise
In contrast, this sign is a bit more obvious. For most people, sex is an integral part of a relationship. It really is a great way to connect...in more ways than one.
While it may take a while for two people to get used to each other's desires and tastes, couples often find a rather enjoyable way to come to a compromise.
Nothing like a few practice and exploratory rounds to get a feel for one another, eh?
However, McCoy has said there is an importance for couples to find what works for both parties.
She said that some ‘hopeless cases’ involved partners who had decided they never wanted to have sex despite the wishes of their partner.
Addictions
This one isn’t specific to just romantic relationships as addictions can put strains on all relationships.
McCoy noted that difficulty resolving issues surrounding addiction can spell doom for the relationship because of the nature of addiction.
She wrote: “The promises, the betrayals, and the hope too often dashed can erode love and relationship goodwill. While not all marriages affected by addiction end up in divorce or estrangement, compulsive behavior of any kind [can be a problem].”
She also emphasized that this does not only apply to the most obvious addictions like drugs and alcohol. Addictions to overspending, gambling and infidelity could also break down relationships.
Regardless of your relationship status, it is always worth getting help from professionals regarding addiction.
Negative predictions
So, yes, being a negative Ned or Nancy can hammer the final nails in your relationship coffin.
While you don’t need to be enthusiastically optimistic and a pure ray of sunshine at all times, constantly fearing the worst can make a relationship struggle.
The expert said these negative predictions towards the relationship’s future may come from ‘unrealistic expectations’ or a ‘panic’ when things are imperfect.
McCoy used a previous couple as an example, and said that a woman’s fear of being cheated on again, as all previous boyfriends had cheated on her, led her to being overbearing with her current partner.
The woman’s insistence on checking his phone and social media accounts led to his emotional withdrawal due to the lack of trust and the eventual breakup.
Lack of affection and gratitude
The final sign that your relationship is doomed is one a lot of couples often overlook, as it is something rather simple.
According to McCoy, couples that get too comfortable can often stop the small gestures and habits that are significant for continuous bonding.
Things as simple as ‘holding hands, hugging, cuddling or kissing, shared in-jokes, and finding joy in ordinary as well as extraordinary experiences' can start to be forgotten in relationships.
And when it comes to a lack of gratitude, some couples may focus too heavily on the faults of their partner, be regularly critical of them, blame them, and remind them of their shortcomings.
McCoy reiterated that people in healthy relationships feel safe and at ease with their partner, and comfortable in the person’s overall positive and supportive view of them, despite their imperfections.
Topics: Community, Sex and Relationships, Psychology
Gerrard Kaonga