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Topics: Sex and Relationships
Gerrard Kaonga
Topics: Sex and Relationships
A relationship expert has broken down some signs that a partner might be a narcissist, and the phrases they use are more common than you might think.
We all might have an ex we would prefer to forget, but there may be a clear reason that it didn’t work that you hadn’t considered.
Writing in Psychology Today, psychotherapist Erin Leonard highlighted phrases narcissists tend to use in relationships and why they can prove to be pretty damaging.
Despite the fact they may appear empathetic or kind, the phrases can in fact be subtle ways to undermine or manipulate you.
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Leonard also warned that if a partner regularly uses these phrases or similar, they may have strong narcissistic tendencies. The expert insisted educating yourself about this dynamic may prevent you from being manipulated.
She also warned that an exit strategy may also be necessary.
Explaining the first phrase, she wrote: ‘I am sorry you feel that way.’ This response seems civil, but let’s take a deeper look. Instead of the partner putting themselves in your shoes in an attempt to understand how you feel, they immediately reject your feeling and label it ‘yours.’”
She explained that this allows them to avoid having to consider your feelings and this anti-empathic statement could show that they do not care to try and understand your viewpoint.
Leonard also highlighted that more empathetic phrases would honor your feelings even if they disagree.
Some of these more empathetic phrases may be: “You are mad. I get it. I’m not sure why, but I want to understand, or you are hurt. I understand. But, honey, it was just a giant miscommunication.”
Leonard continued: “Second, if the phrase "you have anger issues" is used by your partner during the middle of a disagreement, it may signify your partner’s attempt to shift the blame.
“A narcissistic partner often deflects and projects, which means instead of looking inward, they immediately blame you. Being unfairly attacked when you are not the one who made the mistake can be maddening.”
Getting frustrated or upset is a natural response to something happening but the relationship expert warned that narcists can attempt to use this against their partner.
Explaining the third phrase she wrote: “‘you ruined it’ may be a narcissistic partner’s attempt to inflict guilt. They are usually shocked and indignant when you attempt to address an issue in the relationship or try to tell them that they hurt you. They may get dramatic, as if they are mortally wounded, or they withdraw and refuse to speak to you.”
This one may come as the greatest surprise, but by saying this, the relationship expert argues that they are communicating that you are not allowed to confront them about their behavior.
This may also allow them to make you feel guilty about genuine concerns and make you doubt your own feelings, allowing them to have greater control.
It might be worth considering whether you have heard any of these phrases from a partner and assessing the future of the relationship.