Lindsay Clancy’s candid diary entries show her state of mind before killing her three children
Warning: This article contains discussion of suicide which some readers may find distressing.
Excerpts from Lindsay Clancy's personal diary reveal she felt 'completely disconnected' from her baby prior to strangling her three young children to death in 2023.
The murder trial concerning the Massachusetts mother has now reached its second week, after she admitted to killing her three children, 5-year-old Cora, 3-year-old Dawson, and 8-month-old Callan, on January 24, 2023.
Her defense lawyers are not denying that she killed the children, but are instead seeking to prove that Clancy is not criminally responsible for the killings, due to allegedly experiencing an episode of post-pregnancy psychosis when she fatally strangled the kids.
Advert
And diary entries read out in court, that were written before the tragedy unfolded, outline her mental state at the time, as reported by CBS News.
"Hearing him cry for one-plus hours and not intervening just about killed me. I even said the words 'I want to die' to Pat [her husband] while he was crying," she wrote.
In another excerpt, she added: "I feel like I'm drowning every day."
In an entry on November 18, 2022, Clancy further wrote: "It's like I'm so desperate to get a mental break from taking care of everyone that my mind is trying to make something physically wrong with me."
She added: "I now have horrible insomnia and anxiety which is causing depression.
"I have no appetite, I don't know what's wrong with me. I want help. I want to be well."
In another passage from her diary, Clancy wrote that she felt 'completely disconnected' from her baby.
"I feel like I'm going through the motions every day," she noted.
She had allegedly asked her then-husband, Patrick Clancy, to run an errand prior to strangling the children, and he returned home just minutes later to the tragedy.
Despite this, Patrick has since stated he forgives his ex-wife and former labor and delivery nurse, whom he viewed as ill rather than evil.
In court, he testified that her mental health had deteriorated dramatically in the months before the killings, noting that she experienced intrusive thoughts about harming their children as well as suicidal thoughts.
Timeline of Lindsay Clancy case
May 2022
Lindsay gives birth to her third child, Callan.
She’s open about her postpartum struggles with her other two kids on social media. Six weeks after Callan’s birth, she posts that she’s feeling ‘dialed in’ while focusing on exercise, nutrition, and mindset, and ‘it has made all the difference’.
September 2022
As the end of her maternity leave nears, Lindsay, who works as a labor and delivery nurse at Massachusetts General Hospital, starts to experience anxiety about returning to work.
She visits two different psychiatrists and receives a diagnosis of generalized anxiety disorder.
Lindsay is prescribed several different psychiatric medications.
October 2022
According to court docs, she writes in a note on her phone: “I think I sort of resent my other children because they prevent me from treating Cal like my first baby. And I know that’s not fair to them. I know that. I was feeling so depressed last evening when Cora and Dawson came home from school, I know it runs off on them, so we had a pretty rough evening, I want to feel love and connection with all my kids.”
December 2022
Lindsay undergoes an evaluation at the Women and Infants Hospital Center for Women’s Behavioral Health. She is not diagnosed with postpartum depression, prosecutors say.
Lindsay’s husband Patrick tells police she is having suicidal thoughts and thoughts of harming their children, according to his testimony in court.
1-5 January, 2023
Lindsay admits herself to McLean Hospital for psychiatric treatment. She is discharged after five days as clinicians do not believe she poses an imminent danger to herself or others, prosecutors say.
22 January, 2023
Lindsay, Patrick, Cora and Dawson have dinner at family friend Kyle Carney’s home. Kyle later tells police that Lindsay ‘seemed fairly normal’.
23 January, 2023
According to prosecutors, Lindsay pens a note on her phone which says she has ‘a touch of postpartum anxiety’ about going back to work.
24 January, 2023
Prosecutors allege the following took place this day:
Morning: Lindsay takes Cora to a scheduled pediatrician appointment. After returning home, they play in the snow with Dawson. She sends photos of the kids to Patrick and her mom.
4:02pm: Lindsay searches for ‘kids Miralax’ (a laxative) on her phone, and 11 minutes later looks up ‘take out 3v’, referring to restaurant ThreeV in Plymouth. She uses Apple Maps to calculate how long it would take to drive from the family’s home to ThreeV.
4:47pm: Lindsay rings a CVS in Kingston to ask if they have any Miralax in stock. A manager tells her they don’t, but they do have similar medications.
The manager later tells authorities that she did not slur her words or sound impaired during the call.
4:35pm: Lindsay texts Patrick, who is working from home: “Any chance you want to do takeout from 3V … I didn’t cook anything … It’s been a long day.”
Patrick says yes, and Lindsay asks him to ‘check the menu when you can’.
5:10pm: Lindsay calls ThreeV to place the order.
5:15pm: Lindsay allegedly texts Patrick: “Pedialax liquid stool softener.” He then leaves to pick up the medication.
5:33pm: When Patrick arrives at CVS, he rings Lindsay, but she doesn’t pick up. She rings back one minute later and confirms the medication.
5:54pm: Patrick gets to ThreeV, pays for the food and leaves.
6:09pm: Patrick returns home. “The first thing he noticed was the silence,” prosecutors say. “He did not see or hear the defendant or the children.”
Patrick calls for his wife but gets no response. He discovers their second-floor bedroom is locked. Patrick eventually manages to get in the room but sees blood on the floor and an open window. He runs outside and finds Lindsay lying on the ground, according to prosecutors.
6:11pm: Prosecutors say that Patrick rings 911 and Lindsay is saying: “I tried to kill myself and jumped out the window.”
He is then said to ask Lindsay: “Where are the kids?” She responds: “In the basement.”
While on the call, Patrick goes down to the basement and is heard ‘screaming in agony’,
Cora and Callan are discovered on the floor of the den. Dawson is found in his dad’s home office.
When officers arrive at the scene, Patrick alleges: “She killed the kids.”
Lindsay is taken to hospital, where she is treated for injuries that leave her paralysed below the waist. The three children are also rushed to hospital.
7:28pm: Cora and Dawson are pronounced dead. Callan is medically flown to another children’s hospital.
25 January, 2023
Police issue Lindsay an arrest warrant, charging her with two counts of murder, three counts of strangulation or suffocation, and three counts of assault and battery with a dangerous weapon.
27 January, 2023
Callan is pronounced dead at 11.18am.
According to Assistant District Attorney Jennifer Sprague, Lindsay later wakes up and uses a whiteboard to ask: “Do I need an attorney?”
6 February, 2023
While in the presence of a psychologist hired by her lawyer, Lindsay calls Patrick and tells him she had a ‘moment of psychosis’ and heard ‘a man’s voice telling her to kill the kids and kill herself’ after he left on January 24.
7 February, 2023
On the day of her arraignment, Lindsay’s attorney says that she’s still suicidal. She pleads not guilty to three counts of murder.
October 2024
Patrick asks the public to forgive Lindsay, telling The New Yorker: “I wasn’t married to a monster - I was married to someone who got sick.”
January 2026
Lindsay and Patrick file a civil lawsuit, accusing medical providers of not properly diagnosing, treating and monitoring her for a ‘severe postpartum psychiatric condition’.
9 July, 2026
The Plymouth County District Attorney's Office says the three counts of strangulation would be subsumed into the murder charges.
27 July, 2026
Lindsay’s murder trial begins.
If you or someone you know is struggling or in a mental health crisis, help is available through Mental Health America. Call or text 988 or chat 988lifeline.org. You can also reach the Crisis Text Line by texting MHA to 741741.
If you or someone you know needs mental health assistance right now, call National Suicide Prevention Helpline on 1-800-273-TALK (8255). The Helpline is a free, confidential crisis hotline that is available to everyone 24 hours a day, seven days a week.
Topics: US News, Crime, Massachusetts
Mia Williams