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Topics: Sex and Relationships, Life, News
Niamh Shackleton
While most people think it's a necessity to know everything about their significant other, this intimacy expert has explained why digging around for a person's red flags might not be a good idea...
Arguably there's a thin line between knowing too much about a person and not quite enough. Do you need to know about that school incident that lead to your boyfriend being sent to the principal's office for putting gum in a girl's hair? Probably not.
Do you need need to know if you're partner wants children and sees marriage in their future? Many would argue yes.
It's good to know about your partner's plans for the future if you're going to be in it, but Lemon Meyer, an intimacy expert and Editorial Manager at Bloom Stories, advises that you don't go digging for skeletons regarding a person's past.
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Speaking to UNILAD, Lemon said: "Real intimacy is built on trust, not certainty. We like to think that when we're in love, we know our partner better than anyone else. But the reality is, it's impossible to know absolutely everything about someone — and you shouldn't!
"It might sound strange, but this is what makes relationships work. Rather than constantly searching for skeletons in the closet, you have to trust. And in return, your partner has to trust you, too."
She continued: "There are things you can do to strengthen this trust. Being honest about your wants and needs is important. So is having the hard conversations, even when you'd rather put them off. Being vulnerable with one another can strengthen intimacy and bring you closer together.
"But ultimately, being in love means accepting that you'll never know someone completely, and trusting them all the same."
Discussing red flags in particular, Lemon advised to be 'wary' of them and, admittedly, there are some you 'shouldn't ignore'. Experts have previously said that things like secrecy, gaslighting, and verbal or physical abuse are all red flags that you shouldn't put up with.
But not all supposed red flags have to be a dealbreaker. Lemon went on to add: "Modern dating has become so focused on hunting down every little warning sign or 'ick' that many of us can be too quick to write off relationships before we’ve even given them a chance. Nobody is perfect and everybody has a past.
"You’re not going to like every little thing about your partner, and that’s OK. Digging around for potential red flags in someone’s past only distracts you from building a meaningful connection in the present."