Kissing is just one of those things that you’re either good or terrible at, and you’ll rarely find out which.
Whether it’s an ill-timed peck, a clash of teeth, too much saliva or an overly friendly tongue - kissing has a technique to it that doesn’t seem to have been given out to the masses..
But that doesn’t mean you have to keep being bad at the one thing that often comes as the precursor to sex when getting intimate with your other half.
Annabelle Knight, a couples coach, psychosexual therapist and Lovehoney’s resident relationship expert, revealed all to Metro about the ways you can figure out if you’re good or bad.
You’re standing like a penguin
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Annabelle explained: “A kiss should be so much more than two lips meeting; it should involve the closeness of bodies, the holding of one another and hands exploring each other.
“If you find yourself in a position where you’re ‘penguin kissing’ – i.e. hands down by the sides – then you’re not doing anyone any favours.”
Instead of standing in the odd position, she says to ‘get a grip’ of the person, whether it’s holding their face or waist, to anchor yourself and get the mood going.
Your lips need a little TLC
It’s winter, but that doesn’t mean your partner needs to feel like they’re kissing a concrete wall.
Put some ChapStick on those lips!
Of course, ‘nobody can help getting dry or hard lips on occasion’, but ‘if you’re not taking care of this, then you’re likely not going to be picked as the best kisser'.
You ‘mime’
OK, so you might not know what she means by this, but ‘in an ideal kissing situation, you and your partner are perfectly in sync, mirroring each other’s moves on the opposite side, to ensure your lips meet and there’s no head-butting or teeth bashing'.
But if you’re miming, you’re messing things up by going in the same direction.
She said: “If, when going in for a kiss, it feels like there is a mime opposite you, leaning the same way, then this is going to kill the moment.”
To stop this, she suggests you ‘take control of the situation to assert yourself as a good kisser, and make sure you’re in sync with your partner.’
You don’t return the favor
Don’t just stand there and let them make all the moves.
The sex therapist revealed that ‘kissing should be consensual’, and if you feel them starting to pull away, it’s probably because you’re not doing a good job.
If they keep pulling back, maybe you need to think about why that is.
Annabelle suggests: “Try to match your rhythm and speed to theirs. This might help prevent such a scenario.”
An abrupt goodbye
If the person you’re kissing wants to up and leave suddenly, you might be left standing there confused.
But it might be because you’re just not good at it.
Annabelle explains: “If either yourself or your partner abruptly pulls away from a kiss, then it’s likely something has gone wrong.
“Knowing how to maintain contact and chemistry when your lips aren’t touching is a skill of a good kisser, so learn this if you want to remedy your mistake.”
Other kissing issues
Sex-pert Antonia Hall also knows a bad kisser when she sees one, and she told Business Insider in 2019: "It's important to connect lips with just the right amount of pressure and limit saliva exchange.
"It's a bad sign when the person you're kissing puts their hand to their mouth to wipe away saliva or soothe their sore lips after kissing you.”
There’s also a problem if the person you’re kissing keeps darting their tongue in your mouth too quickly, or has bad breath.
Basically, just follow the lead of the other person, unless they’re bad too. If that’s the case, then maybe take some classes.
Topics: Sex and Relationships, Life
Britt Jones