The six stages of a relationship explained and what to expect
Topics: Sex and Relationships
William Morgan
Featured Image Credit: Getty Stock Image
Topics: Sex and Relationships
When you're single, finding your 'true love' can seem like the hardest thing in the world. But once you've found that special person you want to spend the rest of your life with, how do you stop it all from falling apart?
Relationship therapist Andrew Marshall defined the development stages that basically every romance goes through in his book I Love You But I'm Not in Love with You: Seven Steps to Saving Your Relationship.
Recognising commonalities that all couples go through, Marshall laid out six key stages that people experience in a romantic partnership, from that crazy rush of passion at the start of a relationship, to the hard work of keeping the fire going when you've known each other a little too long.
These stages can help couples to figure out if they're going strong, or barely going at all. After all, if one of you is still 'blending' while the other person is hardcore 'nesting', that true love could turn into a true disaster.
Advert
Figuring out what phase your relationship is in can help to give you some perspective on whether your romance is on track, or in danger of fizzling out. You can find a breakdown of these six stages down below, though it is worth remembering that every couple goes at a different pace.
That first year of any relationship goes by in a blur of romance, passion, and getting to know a person that it feels like you've known your whole life. If you blink, you might miss it, but this is one of the most crucial stages.
You can expect that both of you will begin to blend together as a couple, as your attraction to each other overtakes any small differences you might have. Though, despite being in the midst of all this excitement, this is when your blossoming relationship is most at risk.
Falling head over heels can be scary and some people will feel a natural instinct to pull back before going over the edge. This can turn minor disagreements into potentially relationship-ending arguments - so just remember not to sweat the small things.
In the second year of a relationship this overwhelming passion should start to cement into a deeper love, as being head over heels turns into learning how you can build a life together.
You can expect some pressure to mount as your bond deepens and you both figure out how to shed the parts of yourself from when you were single. This can lead to some people getting cold feet as they come to terms with some of the differences overlooked in year one.
But rather than letting these differences divide you, an important part of the second and third year of any relationship is learning how to communicate with each other properly about minor annoyances, as well as learning how to compromise with each other.
With potential issues at home now hopefully dealt with and your shared love becoming a core part of your identity, in the third and fourth year of a relationship many people will start to figure out what their identity is, both as a couple and as an individual.
You can expect some bigger issues to come to the fore, having dealt with the smaller stuff when you were learning to live together. Hopefully, if you have both worked through smaller problems, this will just be another step in your maturing relationship.
Commonly, learning the difference between 'we' and 'I' can be difficult, especially if at least one of you suffers from issues of low self esteem. This can cause a person to 'hide' inside the couple, rather than develop as an individual. Learning how to balance the two is key.
After working through these common pitfalls in any relationship, couples tend to enter the long stretch period. You know every one of each other's foibles and eccentricities, as well as how to manage your differences.
You can expect a renewed focus on collaboration in this period, whether that is working together on a project, or even the daunting task of starting a family. While these joint missions can be stressful, their novelty can breathe new life into your relationship.
But amidst all this comfort and growth there are some hidden challenges ahead. People can develop at different paces and it is not uncommon for one person to outstrip the other in some capacity, so making sure to spend as much time on each other as on other projects is important to maintain your bond.
Congratulations, you have lasted twice as long as the average marriage. By this point your relationship should be like a fine wine: mature, complex, and deeply enjoyable.
You can expect to periodically rediscover why you love your special person, as they continue to adapt and grow to whatever life has to chuck at them. But as time goes on, you can grow complacent and make some fairly common errors when your relationship becomes long in the tooth.
Avoid taking your partner for granted, or being taken for granted, by putting genuine effort into renewing the bond between you and your loved one. Sometimes, this can even be fun, with many 'fine wine' couples having a sexual reawakening - if they take the time to listen to their partner's desires, in and out of the bedroom.
A quarter of a century? The romance that blossomed like a spring bloom all those years ago has turned into a full rose garden. At this point there is little about love that anyone could tell you that you haven't discovered over the past 25 years of loving another person.
But you can still expect some roadblocks ahead, after all, every relationship is a work in progress. One thing that older couples often experience is a form of selective silence, where they hold their tongue about things that might irritate them. After all, if it didn't break your relationship already, what's the point of mentioning it?
Making sure to continue a healthy dialogue doesn't just prevent future arguments, it's also a great way to continuously renew your love for each other. But you didn't need to be told that, did you?