Featured Image Credit: Getty Images/leolintang
Topics: Sex and Relationships, Mental Health, Health
Poppy Bilderbeck
Topics: Sex and Relationships, Mental Health, Health
A relationship expert has shared the 'homework' you should do which can lead to the 'most legendary sex ever'.
First things first, before we skip several bases, you should probably figure out whether or not you've nailed kissing first. And according to one sex therapist, there's five telltale signs which indicate you need to do some practicing.
And, of course, we all know about the debate discussing whether or not penis size actually 'matters' when it comes to having enjoyable sex.
But actually, another sex and intimacy educator and coach has since weighed in, explaining they 'don't remember the last time [they] had bad sex' and there's one main reason why.
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After studying 'all of this' for three years, Alyssa Ljub took to her TikTok to reveal what her 'number one tip' is for experiencing not just good, but great sex.
"[It] unfortunately does require some homework but the trade off is you will literally have the most bomb, legendary sex ever once you get all this stuff down," she explained in the video. "And I want to emphasize this is an experience for you."
Have you guessed what the tip is yet?
She revealed: "My tip is to improve your self pleasure practice." And this 'works in a couple of ways'.
Ljub continued: "First, it's really important for everybody to get their arousal system going.
"When we jump too quickly into the action, our brain is not really ready for all of it, so it's really hard to feel in the moment."
The coach reflected on how many people can probably relate to feeling 'distracted from a moment of pleasure by a sudden nagging thought of a bill they need to pay or something they need to do around the house'.
Fear not however, as there's a way to banish such thoughts.
The 'way to block out those interruptions', according to Ljub, is to treat that state of arousal as if it were a dream.
Ljub explained: "When we enter full arousal, it is considered an altered state of mind similar to dreaming. When we can really be in that moment, it is a lot easier to let go of being distracted by our to-do list, or 'Am I taking too long?', or all of that BS."
She also reassured that if you have a vulva, the average time to settle into this moment is 'between eight and 20 minutes'. "You're not taking too long," she added.
And when 'we are warmed up', then pleasure is easier to explore.
So basically, self pleasure, slow it down, be patient and explore all the different variations of methods and parts of yourself to find out all things which bring you pleasure.
Ljub resolved: "That's the big thing. Once you're able to know what you like, you have to be able to have those conversations with your partner and that happens in the midst of the activity. You need to be able to vocalize and say, 'This feels really good. Let me show you'."
After all, as Ljub sums up, you can't teach someone else how to play your 'instrument' unless you know how to yourself, right?