Topics: Science, Sex and Relationships, TikTok, Psychology
A viral relationship experiment, colloquially referred to as the ‘bird test’, can allegedly inform you of whether you and your partner will go the distance. Here’s what you need to know.
Relationships are so unique. This means there’s never really a one-size-fits-all approach when it comes to figuring out how long the average partnership lasts.
According to dating experts at Love to Know, a relationship in your early twenties is likely to fizzle out between two and four years. But, the Washington Post reported that once you’ve passed the one-year mark, the break-up statistic decreases.
We advise you to take this data - and any other dating longevity studies - with a pinch of salt. Because who knows, the person you meet straight out of high school could end up being your ride-or-die for the next sixty years!
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However, if you’re concerned whether your flame really is ‘the one’, then there’s apparently a test you can conduct to help you figure it out. It’s called ‘the bird test’, and you may have already seen the viral video of Dancing With the Stars’ Robert Irwin unknowingly participating in the trend.
The idea is that you inform your partner that you’ve seen a winged creature, or something else less insignificant, to see if they engage with your outburst.
According to Alyssa Caribardi, whose own bird test video has amassed millions of views on TikTok, it’s a good way to see if your relationship is ‘successful’.
But is there any actual science behind the bird test?
Well, according to researcher and psychologist Dr Julie Gottman, this unconventional challenge is just another form of ‘bidding for connection’. These ‘bids’ are subtle attempts to initiate interaction or seek attention from your SO, as described by Therapy Group of DC.
These small gestures can include everything from smiling and touching, to saying ‘oh my god!’ after you’ve read something scandalous in a text or in a novel.
Requests to connect are the ‘fundamental unit of emotional communication’, according to Dr John Gottman, American psychologist, professor emeritus of psychology at the University of Washington, and husband of Julie.
But what happens if your significant other ‘fails’ the bird test and, instead of pandering to you, they straight-up ignore your bid for connection?
According to John, this can spell disaster for relationships.
The Gottman’s research has found that resentment and distance can build up over time when partners continually ignore bids for connection, eventually leading to huge break-ups.
Meanwhile Caribardi told The Guardian: “If they blow you off that’s a really bad sign.”
If you’re guilty of ignoring your partner’s exasperated sighs, or turning away from their attention-grabbing touch, then there are some ways you can stop this.
According to experts at The Therapy Hub, you should start to acknowledge the missed bid, take responsibility, and make a serious effort to reconnect. The Gottmans say that attention, intention, interest, and curiosity are the main antidotes to getting back on track.
“Practicing this will make all the difference in your relationships. If you mind it, it matters. Mind your relationships and watch them bloom,” he added.
So, if your girlfriend or boyfriend fails the bird test the first time, it’s not necessarily a major red flag, they just may need a little extra help.
