I'm a sex writer but for years my phobia meant I couldn't even hug my parents
Warning: This article contains discussion of sexual assault which some readers may find distressing.
A woman whose phobia of intimacy was so severe that she 'didn't want anyone to touch' her now 'dedicates' her life to sex and dating.
Laura Roscioli didn't just fear intimacy - she was terrified of being touched.
Rather than just feeling uncomfortable during a long hug, being touched by anybody could leave her feeling 'super nauseous' - including her parents.
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"I felt scared, I didn't want them to," the 30-year-old explained, speaking with UNILAD.
But today, the woman who once couldn't bear to be touched now makes a living writing about sex.
'I was always such a romantic'
"The worst part was I didn't understand what was wrong with me," she admitted.
Laura had always enjoyed watching romantic films, and even wrote 'sexy stories' as a teenager about a crush she had. But still, touch made her 'body tense up'.
Laura said that 'holding hands or sitting too close to someone' became everyday interactions she avoided, and believes the phobia stemmed from a number of disturbing encounters she had in her teen years.
'From that moment on the phobia started'
At 11, Laura recalls an older teenager (around 17 years old) becoming obsessed with her at a three-day singing camp.
He followed her around before eventually confessing his love for her - an experience she remembers feeling 'weird and creepy', and believes marked the beginning of her phobia.
"I just remember feeling really sick at the thought of that, and running into the car to my mum, who was picking me up," she said.
Laura also revealed that her first time having sex at 17 was non-consensual.
"My friend's boyfriend at a party spiked my drink and forced himself on me," she explained.
"It felt like a total loss of control, not only of sex and my body, but of the narrative itself.
"People that I thought were my friends didn't believe me, and I kind of became this home wrecker as well."
Laura, from Melbourne, Australia, recalls finding affection 'really hard' following the distressing experiences.
"Even when friends would hug me, I couldn't. I didn't like it," she said.
"Same with my parents. I didn't want them to touch me either."
The turning point
For the two years that followed, she avoided 'intimacy with anybody' at all costs.
But after finding a job at a local restaurant after finishing school, there was one form of intimacy she found 'solace' in - flirting.
"That felt like a really nice way to explore intimacy without actually touching anybody or feeling like you were in your own close proximity," she explained.
And after two years of what she describes as 'hardcore flirting', Laura began to feel her 'power' flooding back.
The 30-year-old explained: "There was something about it that felt like I could still feel desired, but I didn't have to do anything about it."
'I'm having sex... I am having lots of it'
"I grew up in this environment that led me to believe that sex was a thing that I was going to have to do because someone would want me to do it or force me to do it," she said.
"But then I'd got into the world and I was like, 'Oh my God, they [men] will do whatever I want. That's amazing."
Asked about how she feels about intimacy now, Laura said: "I feel great about it."
In fact, she's made a career out of it.
While working at her first job in the media, an editor asked if anyone wanted to write a sex-related story.
"I just put my hand up because I was like, I'm having sex, like I am having lots of it," she said.
Now a sex writer, Laura believes people 'would really benefit from understanding themselves and each other more intimately'.
If you've been affected by any of the issues in this article, you can contact The National Sexual Assault Hotline on 800.656.HOPE (4673), available 24/7. Or you can chat online via online.rainn.org
Topics: Sex and Relationships, Life
Mia Williams