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Topics: Sex and Relationships, Life
Jen Thomas
Comparison is the thief of joy, but how often should happy couples really be having sex, according to experts?
We never truly know what goes on behind closed doors, but it's easy to assume that everyone else is swinging from the chandeliers when you're going through a bit of a dry spell.
Is more always better, or is it about the quality rather than quantity? We're always nosey about average penis size and how many sexual partners someone has had, but you rarely ask your coupled-up friends exactly how many times they did it over the weekend.
If someone asked you to pick a number for how often the happiest couples get down to it, you might think it's several times a day or multiple times a week.
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Prepare to be surprised by the actual total (or maybe feel a little reassured if you're not a twice-a-day couple).
Dr Carolina Castaños is a clinical psychologist specialising in marriage and family therapy, and she was asked what the 'magic number' was for intimacy in a happy relationship.
The actual answer is... there is none.
The expert says it truly varies from couple to couple, and everybody is different in terms of their needs, and having it a lot isn't always a good indicator or a reliable tool.
“You can have sex every day and still feel disconnected from your partner, or you can have it once a week, and it can be so meaningful. Good sex or intimacy is a product of a close and safe relationship,” she says (via Elite Daily).
Dr Castaños insists it's not like food or water (despite what some people may insist), 'where you need a certain amount every day, and the reason is that sex only complements the connection between two people'.
Even if it doesn't need to be daily, it's still an important part of many relationships, but it's such a personal thing; if it is almost non-existent, then that could be a potential issue.
Dr Castaños explains: “At the same time, if you have not had sex for over a month, it can be a sign of something deeper happening in your relationship."
If you're also at it like rabbits, but the rest of the relationship sucks, that's not ideal either, warns the expert, as she adds: “It’s possible that you might be trying to fill a void within you through sex.”
She further explained: "When you have an orgasm, you secrete oxytocin, which is a hormone that reduces cortisol, the stress hormone. You have this positive feeling, like a rush, and eventually, you start craving it. It's almost like a drug,
And if your love life needs spicing up, then it would be good to step away from the handcuffs for nice, wholesome problem-solving together instead, according to sex coach Michaela d'Artois, as it can be a great way to bond and improve your connection with your partner.
D'Artois explained: "When couples problem-solve together, it gives them skills to overcome trials that they will face in their relationship."
Date night at an escape room, maybe?