Expert weighs in on psychology of swinging as couple started own club with controversial rule for 'ugly' members
A so-called 'swinging expert' has weighed in on the science and psychology behind the lifestyle as news emerged that one couple set up their own company to help them meet new partners - though entry comes with a catch.
Swinging expert and psychology professor Dr. Edward Fernandes did a deep dive into the world of swinging in a guest blog for Dr. Elisabeth Sheff, where he detailed the years of in-depth, scientific research he'd done on the subject.
Fernandes' insight comes as husband and wife Tanya and Ashley Marum shared intimate details about their relationship while explaining their swingers club, which began after a friend asked the couple if they wanted to take part in a threesome.
Tanya said the offer 'sparked in a discussion' and it 'spiralled from there', to the point where the couple now organise bi-monthly club events for other like-minded young people looking for new sexual partners.
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However, the club comes with a rule - no 'unattractive' people allowed.
Ashley explained: "I don't want people there who the majority would think are unattractive. We want to try to get people to come that they might not be your type but they're nice looking and take care of themselves."
Despite the controversial entry requirements, the couple have '300+ people' attending their events.
They've described their choice to swing as 'one of the best decisions we've made' - so what's the science behind it?
In his blog, Dr. Fernandes explained that most of the swingers he studied in his research were married or cohabitating, with most having been involved in swinging for 'anywhere between three years and 12 years'.
This finding, the psychologist said, suggests that 'swinging, overall, adds to the longevity of the marital relationship'.
Backing this finding, Ashley pointed out: "There's 100% trust and you understand what each other likes more than anything and you want each other to be as happy as possible. You don't get that very often in a normal relationship."
Fernandes found that both men and woman mostly described their reasons for swinging as 'pure sexual variety, sexual enjoyment and personal fantasy'. However, he found that swingers are 'very happy in their marriages', and typically have 'strong emotional bonds with their spouses' and 'strong family units'.
When it comes to satisfaction in the bedroom, Fernandes added: "Moreover, my respondents claim that their spouses are able to satisfy them sexually: Swinging to them is a way of adding spice and variety to the marriage itself, sort of the “icing on the cake” (some even referred to swing as “team sport”, or “the couple that plays together remains together”)."
Looking at his findings, Fernandes dismissed the belief that 'swingers have unsatisfactory marriages and are unhappy with their primary relationships', saying: There is no evidence to support such a claim."
"My research suggests that perhaps we are witnessing a new social paradigm regarding the dynamics of marriage and consensual extra-marital sex," he added.
"It is possible that swinging is bringing about a re-definition of marriage and a change in the traditional expectation of marital monogamy."
Topics: Psychology, Sex and Relationships, Life, Science
Emily Brown