All I Want For Christmas Is You may continue to reign superior over any other festive tune, but the messages of the song need to – quite frankly – f*ck off. 

Much as Bridget Jones’ mother tried to fling her into the arms of Mark Darcey, society places an air of shame onto us singletons when it comes to the festive period.

James agreed that the festive season comes with ‘so much pressure’, particularly at family parties when ‘everyone asks if you’ve met someone yet’.

He said:

You feel this overwhelming pressure that you must have somebody, and look good enough to have somebody, and some grandma or someone says to you, ‘Are you ever going to find anyone?’

I’m 21 years old, and while my dream aged 18 was to be married by 24, with kids by 26, that dream has gone straight out the window.

Why do we continue to place such rigid constraints around romance and relationships, when we should just be running wild and free?

James explained that many of his female clients often take it to heart when they are asked by family members or friends about their non-existent partner. But in his view, ‘if you’re on your own, Christmas should be about family and friends, rather than relationships’.

While happily married and with children now, James is still haunted by all those years of being single at Christmas. ‘You see other people – like other family members – who might be in relationships, and they’ve been together for ages, and you feel like you’re the last one left, don’t you?’

However, for me, having been in two different two-year relationships since the age of 16, I couldn’t be more excited at the idea of being single and ready to mingle.

James agreed that actually, despite sometimes feeling like you’re falling behind those around you in the race to find love, that many couples are actually ‘secretly jealous of you’ because of the flexibility single life offers.

‘You’ve got the freedom at Christmas to go to as many Christmas parties, as many events as you want to, if you want to fly to Lapland you can. You have no pressure of being tied to anybody,’ he noted.

James also explained how being single at Christmas offers a ‘good chance to reconnect with people’.

James also urged people to think of Christmas as a time to love your family, friends, pets and yourself more. Self-love shouldn’t be forgotten about, as hard as it can be to grapple with, but James recommends channelling the effort you’d put into a partner into yourself instead.

‘Treat yourself, buy yourself a few presents, you’re going to save a few quid not having to buy them for somebody else, go and buy things that you really want, because only you really know this,’ he said.

Alongside self-reflection, the festive period is also ‘a very common time for people to break up’, according to James, which has been exacerbated by COVID. James noted how it tends to be a result of people realising they don’t just want to settle, and makes them begin to think about what they truly want in a partner.

COVID has also spurred people to take time to be on their own and ‘take dating and their next relationship more seriously’. According to Relate, 8% of the UK population decided to split up amid the pandemic, after lockdown made 61% realise that relationships were the most important thing to them. James resultantly views this December as being an ‘honestly really good time to be single’.

However, while it’s good to know what you want in your next relationship, and what qualities and behaviour you will and won’t accept, don’t stress about thinking about a partner until the New Year, as according to James, January and February are the best months for dating anyway.

But for now, ignore the songs, films and festive adverts shoving romance right in your face.

James noted they are just ‘trying to get it into your brain that you must have someone, and must buy presents, and spend money,’ but it’s a ‘myth’ that everyone who’s single is unhappy.

He said:

This comes back from the whole Scrooge thing as well, back in A Christmas Carol. Scrooge is a miserable old guy who let his true love go, and that’s often sold at Christmas time.

By the end you realise that love is all about your family and all these other things too, but he doesn’t actually need someone, he is just miserable because he chose money.

Instead, James advised you should ‘go get yourself a ready meal and sit and watch Netflix in your pyjamas’. Amen to that.

So buy yourself a vibrator – or whatever floats your boat –  or get a four-legged friend for companionship and cuddles, and then who the hell needs a partner anyway?