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Topics: Sex and Relationships
Callum Jones
An expert says there's a pretty simple way you can prevent an argument with your partner, and it requires just four words.
Relationships are tricky, and to be honest, there's no rulebook on how best to approach things. It really is different for each couple.
However, there are certainly things you can do to keep things on track and maintain that all-important spark.
Arguments are common within a lot of relationships, but saying the wrong thing during a disagreement can lead to a marriage or relationship being over for good.
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But no matter how angry you may be in the heat of the moment, expert Rachel Bowie has suggested there are four words you can utter that can prevent those heated arguments from happening, and in turn, maybe even save a relationship.
The writer wrote in an essay for PureWow: "The reason this phrase works when your spouse is driving you crazy is kinda obvious. The act of assuming good intentions serves as a reminder that we are, in fact, in tricky situations together, allowing us to reframe a messy moment and reminding me to pause, back up and put myself in my spouse’s shoes."
The phrase in question is simply: "Always assume good intentions."
Even the former CEO of PepsiCo., Indra Nooyi, approves of the method. In an interview with Fortune, she explained: “When you assume negative intent, you’re angry. If you take away that anger and assume positive intent…your emotional quotient goes up because you are no longer almost random in your response. You don’t get defensive. You don’t scream. You are trying to understand and listen.”
So, if you can feel an argument brewing, Bowie suggests you think: "'OK, before I blow my lid off, perhaps there’s more to the story here? Maybe it was a hard afternoon. Maybe the baby started crying halfway into a game of Trouble. Maybe my husband deserves a bit of grace'."
The expert continued: "It’s not about avoiding conflict or conversation around tougher topics. It’s more about making room for productive and thoughtful conversation, reducing conflict and achieving an improved way forward together. My husband and I have come to rely on the phrase in matters large and small.
"It helps him not get mad at me, too. Like when I forgot to book a day camp only to find out the night before that it was sold out. Instead of freaking out, he put himself in my shoes. Life has been crazy busy, this detail fell through the cracks."
While that's something you should be filing away to prevent a major blow-up, there's one sentence you really shouldn't be saying, according to Mark Travers, who specializes in relationship psychology.
He explained: "There’s one phrase I’ve seen come up in these exchanges that’s more damaging than you think: 'Why can’t you be more like [insert other person’s name]?'"
Yikes.