Shia LaBeouf contemplated suicide before converting to Catholicism
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Shia LaBeouf admitted he contemplated suicide after being overwhelmed with ‘shame’ before turning to God.
The 36-year-old studied Catholicism in preparation for his upcoming role in Padre Pio, a saint, for Abel Ferrara's film of the same name.
The Honey Boy actor, who comes from a mixed Jewish and Christian household, said he became drawn to the religion came at a time when he felt ‘shame’ after being accused of sexual battery by ex-girlfriend FKA Twigs in 2020.
Speaking with Bishop Robert Barron of the Word on Fire Catholic Ministries, he said: “I had a gun on the table. I was outta here. I didn’t want to be alive anymore when all this happened.
“Shame like I had never experienced before — the kind of shame that you forget how to breathe. You don’t know where to go. You can’t go outside and get like, a taco. But I was also in this deep desire to hold on.”
The Transformers star’s study of Catholicism gave him ‘hope’ that he could get back on the right path as he learned about people who ‘found their way’ through faith.
“It was seeing other people who have sinned beyond anything I could ever conceptualise also being found in Christ that made me feel like, ‘Oh, that gives me hope,’” he continued.
“I started hearing experiences of other depraved people who had found their way — in this — and it made me feel like I had permission…”
LaBeouf also noted that he did not accept the role as Padre Pio to find God, but feels his fate was all part of God's plan living in having lived in a monastery alongside Franciscan Capuchin friars in preparation.
The star added: “I know now that God was using my ego to draw me to Him. Drawing me away from worldly desires. It was all happening simultaneously.
“But there would have been no impetus for me to get in my car, drive up [to the monastery] if I didn’t think, ‘Oh, I’m gonna save my career.’”
Learning about atonement and forgiveness also allowed him to believe he is worthy of a second chance.
He shared: “It was seeing other people who have sinned beyond anything I could ever conceptualize also being found in Christ that made me feel like, 'Oh, that gives me hope’”.
“I started hearing experiences of other depraved people who had found their way in this, and it made me feel like I had permission.”
His spiritual awakening comes a year after LaBeouf's was accused of sexual battery and abuse by ex-girlfriend FKA Twigs during their year-long relationship, a claim he has denied.
The British singer filed a lawsuit in Los Angeles Superior Court in 2020, with the case set to be heard in 2023. In the wake of the allegations, he also split with his talent agency CAA and began receiving inpatient care.
If you’ve been affected by any of these issues and want to speak to someone in confidence, please don’t suffer alone. Call Samaritans for free on their anonymous 24-hour phone line on 116 123