Nikki Glaser reveals savage Golden Globes jokes that didn't make the cut including brutal swipe at Sydney Sweeney
A number of Nikki Glaser's jokes did not make it into the final script for the Golden Globes ceremony due to the current political climate
Hosting a major awards ceremony is no mean feat, with plenty of otherwise charismatic people absolutely flopping when a microphone and a packed Hollywood audience is put in front of them.
But one person who seems to thrive when put in front of a crowd of nervous celebrities, armed with nothing but some biting jokes, is Nikki Glaser, who on Sunday hosted the Golden Globes for the second time in a row.
Not only is she the first woman to steer the unruly ceremony by herself, but this year she managed to make it through with only the occasional cringe or overplayed joke, ribbing celebs from George Clooney to Leonardo DiCaprio.
Still coming down from the high of Sunday night, Glaser has shared that the often close to the knuckle jokes that made it into the Golden Globes were, in fact, just the ones that organizers allowed through - while revealing the ones they did not.
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The stand-up comic made fun of Hollywood's biggest names on Sunday, blasting DiCaprio's penchant for partners 25 and under, asking George Clooney for help with her Nespresso machine, and calling Sean Penn a 'sexy leather handbag'.
Even the 41-year-old's joke about some of those in attendance being on the Epstein list made it through, but some big names and hot-button issues had to be cut from the final script.
Speaking on The Howard Stern Show on Tuesday, Glaser said that she largely avoided the two major talking points in America's politics since January 2025, revealing that she did not joke about Trump or ICE because 'it's not funny'.
“I was going to come in at some point and say, ‘I’m hearing from the bar that we’re out of ice. And you know, we don’t really need ice. And actually, I hate ice,'” she told Stern.
And in the context of one of the immigration agency's agents shooting 37-year-old mom Renee Good dead in Minnesota just days before the ceremony, this was one not-so-wisecrack that she felt like she had to drop from the show.
She added: “It just felt like, oh, even that’s just being too trivial. … It’s hard to strike the right tone.”
But while a number of celebrities including Natasha Lyonne, Mark Ruffalo and Wanda Sykes wore badges and pins to protest the political direction of the country under President Trump, Glaser wanted to avoid mentioning him at all costs.
"You just don’t say that guy’s name right now," she said, explaining that she wanted to crack a joke about the president renaming the venue in the wake of his renaming of the Kennedy Center, but had been advised against it by fellow comedian Steve Martin.
Stern, himself no stranger to a controversial joke, praised Glaser's choice of topics at the Golden Globes, in particular her choice to go after the company broadcasting the show.
"The award for most editing goes to CBS News. Yes. CBS news: America’s newest place to see B.S. news," she said, referencing the acquisition and takeover of the channel by Trump allies in 2025.
Nikki Glaser's cut Golden Globes jokes
So, who was on Glaser's hit list of jokes that didn't make it through to the final show?
Chase Infiniti and Sean Penn
“Chase Infiniti Payne is actually her real name. Chase Infiniti Payne, which is also how Sean Penn gets an erection.”
“Some people have stage names like ‘Hacks’ star Jean Smart, whose real name is Corderoy Dumbass.”
Brad Pitt
“Brad Pitt is nominated for his role in ‘F1’ tonight. See, that’s what I love about Hollywood. When a man turns 60, he gets to play a racecar driver. Meanwhile, after 35, every role for a woman is a tired mom who hates her life. And Brad, you were so good I was almost convinced that you’ve driven yourself somewhere in the last 30 years. But Brad did a lot of his own driving in the movie. And Brad, I don’t want to embarrass you, but your blinker was on the whole time there.”
Sydney Sweeney
“Tonight is a night of celebration, but we can’t ignore that it’s a weird time in Hollywood. You know, people just aren’t going to the theaters to see things. If you don’t believe me, there was a movie this year where Sydney Sweeney played a lesbian who just bounced around in tiny shorts for two hours and it made $14.”
Tilly Norwood
“Everyone’s concerned about AI. Tilly Norwood is the first star to be completely generated by AI and somehow has still been sexually assaulted by three different studio execs.”
Sean Penn - again and Leonardo DiCaprio
“Sean Penn is nominated tonight, I’m assuming for best neck veins?”
“Sean Penn, Benicio del Toro and Leonardo DiCaprio are all here tonight for the category Least Eyes. Leo, why are you always squinting? I mean, I assume it’s to read your girlfriend’s ID. Just making sure that the year starts with a two.”
Timothée Chalamet
“Amy Poehler is here for her podcast ‘Good Hang,’ which is what Timothée Chalamet says after sex.”
Julia Roberts
“Julia Roberts is nominated for ‘After The Hunt.’ I don’t know what it’s about, but I’m assuming the hunt was to find someone who’s seen it?”
Jonathan Bailey
“Jonathan Bailey is here. Jonathan is the first openly gay man to be named the Sexiest Man Alive by People magazine, and at first I was like, ‘Do we really need to say openly?’ and then I looked at a list of past winners and I was like, ‘Oh yeah, we do.'”
Jeff Goldblum
“Jeff Goldblum is here tonight, not because he is nominated just because they were shooting an ad for Apartments.com down the street and he just kind of wandered in. Jeff doing ads for Apartments.com is hilarious. You haven’t lived in apartments since you were a fly.”
Pluribus
“Pluribus’ is nominated. Did you guys know that ‘Pluribus’ is Latin for ‘I haven’t seen it?'”
Topics: Golden Globes, Nikki Glaser, Celebrity
William Morgan