Erika Kirk describes moments after husband Charlie’s ‘fever dream’ death in new details ahead of first anniversary

Erika has shared new details about the first devastating hours after her husband, Charlie Kirk, was shot and killed, recalling the small piece of advice that helped her survive.

As the one-year anniversary of Charlie's death approaches, Erika has described returning home to Pheonix as a 'fever-dream', finding herself surrounded by reminders of the husband and father who had been there only days earlier.

In an opinion piece she wrote for the New York Times on Monday Erika sad she was struggling to comprehend what had happened when she returned from Utah on September 11, 2025.

Her children ran to greet her, unaware of the bleak realities of what had occured that day.

On September 10, 2025, Charlie Kirk, an American right-wing political activist, was assassinated at Utah Valley University in Orem, Utah. (Photo by Samuel Corum/Getty Images)

Earlier that day, Erika said she had told Usha Vance, wife of Vice President JD Vance, "I don't know how I'm going to do this."

Usha responded with an analogy about being on an airplane with children who are screaming and throwing things, but knowing the flight will land in 15 minutes.

"You know when you’re on an airplane with your kids, and you’re going to land in 15 minutes, but the kids are going crazy, screaming, throwing things, and then the plane lands, and the kids relax, and everything is fine again?

"That’s how it will be. Just get through the next 15 minutes," Usha told her.

How did Erika Kirk cope with Charlie Kirk's death?

The reality of Charlie's death became even more painful when Erika entered the bathroom and saw his toothbrush still lying beside the sink and his towel hanging where he had left it.

She then stood in the doorway of their bedroom and looked toward his side of the bed, wondering how long his scent would remain in the sheets.

Unable to stay there, Erika turned off the light and climbed into bed with the couple's 3-year-old daughter.

She wrote that for months, she avoided the bedroom while allowing herself to confront individual memories 'gradually'.

Nearly a year after Charlie's death, Erika said the grief has not disappeared, but her relationship with it has changed. (Photo by Dimitrios Kambouris/Getty Images)

Those stories continued to arrive alongside family milestones: Charlie's 32nd birthday, Erika's birthday, Thanksgiving, Christmas, Easter, their wedding anniversary and their son's second birthday.

At their daughter's fourth birthday, Erika said another wave of grief hit as the family sang "Happy Birthday."

She cried while hugging her daughter as the little girl blew out her candle, wishing Charlie could have witnessed the moment.

Nearly a year after Charlie's death, Erika said the grief has not disappeared, but her relationship with it has changed.

She said she no longer fears that each wave will completely overwhelm her. Instead, she has learned that grief and happiness can exist at the same time.

"I can miss him with every part of me and still laugh with our children," she wrote. "I can have a broken heart and still experience joy."

Charlie Kirk died on September 10, 2025, after being shot while appearing at an event in Utah. His alleged killer, Tyler Robinson, is due to stand trial on aggravated murder and other charges. (Photo by Rick Egan-Pool/Getty Images)

Erika also reflected on her faith, saying she has seen what she considers extraordinary good emerge from something 'unimaginably evil,' including people returning to faith, reconciling with family members and forgiving old wounds.

Charlie died on September 10, 2025, after being shot while appearing at an event in Utah. His alleged killer, Tyler Robinson, is due to stand trial on aggravated murder and other charges after a Utah judge's recent ruling. The death penalty remains a possible punishment if he is convicted.