Psychotherapist reveals the one reason people cheat and explains why it happens
A psychotherapist with 45 years working as a sex therapist has detailed why she believes people cheat, and explains how you can prevent it
A couples therapist and sex expert has revealed the number one reason why people choose to be unfaithful.
Finding out that your partner has cheated on you is one of the most soul-destroying things in the world - but there could be a way to prevent it from happening... not that it is your fault if it ever does happen to you.
Psychologist Esther Perel has worked as a relationship therapist for 45 years, and in that time she believes she has come to an understanding of the main reason why people develop wandering eyes.
“Infidelity has existed since marriage was invented and people stray for a multitude of reasons: sometimes those have to do with the relationship – sometimes it’s rejection, betrayal, disconnection, alienation. Loneliness is a big one," she told the Telegraph.
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“Sometimes it has reasons which have very little to do with the relationship: the reasons are internal."
While there could be many reasons a spouse opts to have an affair, Perel claims that the main one is due to the unfaithful partner reacting against the 'deadness' of their relationship.
“It could be any number of things,” Perel continued. "Most people today in the West are going to have two or three relationships or marriages in their adult life. Some of us will do it with the same person.
"The story of an affair is that your first marriage is over. But you can create a second one.”
It sounds rather harsh, but she notes that it can occur if a relationship is too intimate and so it smothers any passion, while it might also be that the pair having grown apart has resulted in the adulterer thinking their partner no longer cares.
However, Perel also mentions that there is a way to work through a 'dead' relationship... so, how do we do that?
"Curiosity," she explains.
"It means exploration, it means discovery, it means active engagement with the unknown, it means being alive. It’s a good entry door.
"It’s about opening yourself up to the possibility that you don’t know your partner as well as you think. Instead of settling into a cosy existence, why don’t we, instead, have a conversation about something interesting besides what we want from each other?"
The sexpert notes that curiosity 'is about playing', and 'play is when taking risks is fun'... hopefully these wise words may ignite a spark back into your relationship!
Topics: Sex and Relationships
Joe Yates