While most sexual fantasies are typically harmless, partaking in this particular one could lead to the ‘inability to be present with current partners’ and becoming ‘emotionally stuck’, a health specialist has warned.
Your fantasy life is exactly that: fantasy. It’s exploring ideas and practices that don’t necessarily align with your thoughts in real life, or imagining things you really want to do before you really do them.
According to research conducted by The Myths of Sex author Justin J. Lehmiller, some of the most common sexual dreams include multi-partner sex, voyeurism, and cosplay.
But there's one fantasy that 55 percent of married people admit to partaking in, and it could start to cause some serious problems in your relationship if you don't nip it in the bud, experts have warned.
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The popular sexual fantasy in question is having sexual intercourse with your ex.
Redditors complain of partaking in worrying ex fantasy
Previously, a Redditor claimed that imagining ‘fake scenarios’ involving their ex was taking over their life.
“It’s not like I’m desperate to get back together with him, I already blocked him and got rid of everything that reminded me of him. But the memories are still there. And as much I try to get rid of them, I can’t,” they confessed.
“But every time I think of them, I still get butterflies.”
The post has prompted social media users to issue similar statements in droves.
One said: “Not going to lie I do the same with my ex, she left me out of the blue,” adding that they think about their former girlfriend ‘daily’.
“I do it all the time,” typed a second.
Someone else replied: “Yo I felt this.”
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‘No shame’ in reflecting on the past
With 55 percent of married people admitting to dreaming about their ex, one expert has explained that there’s actually no shame in reflecting on the past.
“Our minds don't operate on a strict timeline when it comes to desire and memory,” said sex and relationships expert Anita Fletcher of Fantasy Dildo Co.
The professional said our brains are ‘wired’ to hold onto ‘intense experiences, and sexual memories with past partners’, so this is why you may find yourself hung up on a particular relationship.
“It doesn’t necessarily mean you want them back, but rather it’s about accessing familiar feelings of desire and pleasure.”
How can fantasizing about your ex become an issue?
Unfortunately, your imagination returning to a former flame could spell danger - with Fletcher claiming you could be ‘emotionally stuck’.
Thinking about an ex during solo time can be normal, but 'constant comparison' to a current partner is often a warning sign.
“Problematic patterns involve obsession, comparison or inability to be present with current partners,” she detailed.
“If ex fantasies are your only reliable way to climax, or if they're interfering with your ability to connect with new partners, it might be time to explore what's underneath.”
Alarm bells should also be ringing if these fantasies leave you feeling sad, longing or emotionally unsettled afterwards.
If, like the Redditor, you are worried about how often you’re thinking of your ex, then you may want to try ‘expanding your imaginative repertoire’.
To do this, Fletcher suggested you try focusing on scenarios, sensations, or even fictional characters, rather than ex-partners and people you know IRL.
“Instead of feeling guilty about ex fantasies, use them as information about what you find appealing. Then you can communicate those preferences to future partners.”
Topics: Life, Reddit, Sex Education, Sex and Relationships
Ella Scott