A world-class couple's therapist has said there's one thing in other people's relationships that truly ‘scares her’.
When it comes to building the solid foundations of a good, healthy and long-lasting relationship, many experts say it is no small feat and takes some perseverance.
However, while most of us could probably agree on the red flag signs of a toxic relationship, the lines are a little more blurred when it comes to defining a good one.
Appearing on the Jay Shetty Podcast, clinical psychologist, psychoanalyst, and couple's therapist Dr Orna Guralnik, who appeared on the hit series Couples Therapy, explored the topic - and revealed the one thing that terrifies her in other people's relationships.
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Jay said it can be difficult to determine what makes a strong and healthy relationship, stating there are only a handful of metrics of success - such as longevity, like when couples have been together for decades, or if they have a family together.
"It feels like we have very basic markers to assume that someone has a healthy relationship," he added.
Dr Guralnik, who practices in New York, then answered what she considered to be the telltale signs of a strong partnership, stating such couples have an 'atmosphere around them' that is based on 'mutual respect, adoration [and] a certain kind of acceptance'.
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"That is a good relationship. That is a good world to live in, they've created a world in which there is space for them to thrive," she added.
The psychologist then went on to say couples who evolve together, and don't break under pressure but 'change under pressure', have cracked the code.
However, she drew the line at couples who claim to never argue.
Jay said another way society measures the success of a relationship comes down to this factor, stating: "A lot of people will be like, 'Oh I have a great relationship. We never argue.' Right?" to which the therapist interjected: "That sounds scary."
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Explaining further why this concerns her, Dr Guralnik said: "Couples that don't argue scare me. I don't know how what happens there, what do they just not talk? Or do they not reveal ways in which they're different? That's scary."
The expert, considered one of the world's best, continued to query what goes on in such relationships - and posed how this is in conflict with what she describes as a good relationship that can change and evolve.
"How do you not never argue? Like what, are you just the same person?", she continued. "Have you become enmeshed with each other and everything about you that is different you just repress or dissociate? Are you so afraid of conflict? Have you vanished? It just seems unreal."
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She explained that this is because she queries how couples can face and work through their differences, saying that such conflicts is 'where life is'.
"The ability to face differences and, back to what we were talking about earlier, find how you have faced your differences, how do you work through your differences is what's really interesting about a relationship," she concluded.
Topics: Sex and Relationships, Podcast, Psychology
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