Featured Image Credit: Getty Stock Image
Topics: Psychology, Sex and Relationships
William Morgan
Making a romantic relationship work requires continuous thought, empathy, and consideration on both sides. Even then, there is no guarantee that it will work out.
All of this effort put into building a robust and loving partnership with another person can be torn down in an instant if you fail to communicate properly with the person you love, a psychologist has explained.
Everyone has had a bad day and said something a bit too curt to their partner, or found themselves saying something they did not quite mean, but there are certain phrases you can say that can ruin all your efforts in an instant.
Psychologist Mark Travers has detailed how 'one sentence, spoken at the wrong time, can plant a seed of resentment that slowly erodes trust,' which no amount of apologizing or grovelling is likely to undo.
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He explained to Forbes that there are four fairly common phrases that you would be best-minded to avoid if you want to keep your relationship going strong, with people being advised to practice 'mindful communication' - basically, think before you speak.
But for the unthinking out there, you can start by avoiding four fairly common phrases that can signify to your partner it's time to call it quits. Travers said: "They may seem harmless, but over time, they can cause damage that’s hard to undo."
Sometimes in an argument, it can be hard to see why something matters so much more to your partner than it does to you. While this isn't a relationship red flag, how you respond to it can be.
Travers said: "It tells your partner that their feelings are wrong or exaggerated, which can make them question their own emotions or feel like they have to suppress them just to keep the peace.
"Over time, this weakens trust and emotional safety, creating more distance in the relationship."
Instead, you would be better advised to say something like: “I can see this really matters to you. Can you help me understand why?” Or, you could say: “I didn’t realize this affected you that way. I want to hear more.”
Loving another person is not just about agreeing with them on everything, but respecting them when they differ. Once someone feels like their emotions aren't being taken seriously, they might stop taking the relationship so seriously.
If someone you love has noticed there is something upsetting you, the worst thing you can do is push them away.
Psychologist Travers explained: "When you say “I’m fine” while clearly feeling otherwise, you build a wall instead of a bridge of connection.
"Over time, this small act of avoidance creates emotional distance, teaching your partner that honest conversations aren’t welcome—even when they genuinely want to understand."
Instead, even if you aren't ready to get into it just yet, you should try signalling your willingness. You could say: “I’m feeling off, but I need a little time to process it." Or try: “Something’s on my mind, but I don’t know how to talk about it yet.”
Sometimes, when you disagree with your partner, it can all just seem like a storm in a teacup, and rather than resolve the situation, you decide to wash your hands of it.
But giving up and saying 'do whatever you want' is never a good idea. This flippant statement doesn't show that you listened to them or think they're right, just that you can't be bothered to find out.
Travers said: "This phrase isn’t just dismissive; it signals intentional emotional withdrawal. When you say this, you’re essentially telling your partner, 'Your choices no longer matter to me,' creating lasting insecurity and emotional disconnection."
Instead of saying this, finding a better way to word it is always worth it. You could say: “I’m feeling overwhelmed right now—let’s pause and revisit this later.” Or try: “I need a moment to clear my head before we continue.”
This allows you to still share your inability to resolve the issue, while remaining open to finding a resolution once cooler heads have prevailed.
The final relationship-ruining phrases you should avoid are the ones you probably find annoying yourself. Telling someone that they absolutely do one thing or don't do another completely ignores their agency.
The psychologist said: "These absolute statements are damaging because they shift the conversation from resolving the issue at hand to defending against broad accusations.
"Instead of opening dialogue, they close it, setting the stage for resentment and a repeated cycle of unresolved conflict."
He added: "The phrases 'You always' or 'You never' exacerbate coercive conflict because they communicate blame and hostility, inevitably provoking defensive reactions, rather than productive dialogue."
You should try to say something like: “I feel unheard when this happens—could we talk about this?” Or try: “I notice a pattern that’s hurting me; can we figure this out together?”
Being constructive rather than controlling or attacking helps to turn strife into a learning moment in your relationship, where you both try to gain greater understanding of the other's complexity, rather than reducing them to absolutes.