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Topics: Adult Industry, Sex and Relationships
Britt Jones
Watching pornography as a couple is something that many find to be a normal and healthy aspect of their relationship, but is it actually changing their intimacy?
Porn has become an easily accessible outlet for a lot of singles, taken, and married people to use to explore sexual content or fetishes.
While you might think it’s something most do alone, some couples bring porn into the bedroom to get things going. But with porn comes certain changes in a person's own sexual experiences.
According to LADbible’s 'For F**k's Sake' campaign, 60 percent of daily viewers say porn has shaped their expectations of real-life sex, with 50 percent of men revealing it is their main source of sex education.
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Two in three people have also expressed that pornography has changed what turns them on, and 52 per cent of viewers say it has hurt their self-esteem.
So, it’s safe to say that porn does have an impact on those who watch it. But what about your relationship?
According to one of the UK's leading sexual and relationship psychotherapists, Dr Paula Hall, said there are many ways that it can rewire your brain.
Talking to LADbible, she explained she has spoken with some people who are addicted to porn where it took over every aspect of their life. She explained that individuals can become so dependent on porn, or watch increasing amounts, what they feel that sex in the real world or other forms of stimulation is 'bland' in comparison.
“Any addiction can have a massive impact on relationships. For partners particularly often it feels like a betrayal as well. So, I've worked with lots of partners and often partners have absolutely no idea. They're like, 'But you don't even like sex.’ And actually it's because they've been watching porn all the time," she said. "So they often feel very, very, very betrayed by it. So it can have quite a damaging negative impact on relationships for sure.
"In fact, in the pivotal study it was, I think it was 87% of people said that it was having a negative impact on their relationships in terms of getting into a relationship, but also maintaining a relationship and conflict in a relationship as well.”
Dr Hall added: “I think frankly doing anything behind your partner's back is cheating and that's not to say that you don't have a right to some level of privacy and there's a difference between privacy and secrecy. But I think all couples particularly nowadays should be having conversations about that.
“Is porn okay in this relationship? Will we watch it together? Is it okay on your own? How often is it okay on your own? You know, is it just when we are apart, away, or? I mean, I think it's a conversation to be had.”
But she's not against porn in relationships.
"If it's two consenting adults engaging in things for recreational purposes, I've got no problem with that at all," she said. "For me, this is much more about mental health rather than about morality.
"There are people out there worried about the morality of porn and it's really important that those people are there and doing that work. But for me, this is a mental health issue, not a moral issue."
As for Sex & Intimacy Educator Grace Alice, porn in a relationship isn't all bad.
“It’s very possible that watching porn can affect the sex you have with your partner, but this impact is highly dependent on context,” she told JOE. “For some people, consuming porn or erotica is occasional and doesn’t feel compulsive; they know it isn’t realistic and don’t use it to judge or measure their real-life sexual experiences.”
In fact, it could be used to spice things up.
“Porn can sometimes even become a positive tool; some couples choose to watch together and use those experiences to explore desires or communicate what excites them, as long as it feels comfortable and doesn’t create pressure or feelings of inadequacy,” Alice explained.
But like the data suggests, it can also become a problem in certain circumstances.
She said: “This can lead to unrealistic expectations concerning bodies, sexual performance, or specific acts, which can contribute to pressure, dissatisfaction, and a negative impact on the couple’s sexual life. This is probably more relevant to people who aren’t in long-term/committed relationships.”