A dating expert has broken down one of the most common myths in modern dating and explained why it shouldn't actually be an issue at all.
I'm sure dating has been tough for as long as humans have existed, but in the last few decades it seems like more 'rules' have emerged than ever.
Don't reply too soon, but don't wait too long. Wait until the third date to have sex, but also feel free to do it whenever you want. Don't overthink what you say, but don't say the wrong thing.
It can feel like a minefield for anyone who simply wants to meet another person, so relationship expert Chanel Contos is hoping to make things a little bit simpler for us.
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Contos spoke as Tinder prepares to launch eight new terms to its online Dating Dictionary, encouraging more open conversation and understanding around topics including gender norms, healthy sexual relationships and social norms.
When it comes to dating today, Contos pointed to one myth in particular that seems to be causing issues for a lot of people: talking about consent.
It's vital to have discussions about consent to ensure everyone involved in the relationship is as comfortable as they can be, but Contos acknowledged that it can be easier said than done.
Per the New York Post, she commented: “We need to break the myth that talking about consent is awkward. I think that’s a big barrier in encouraging these conversations.
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“I don’t think people realize how comforting is it to be messaging someone on Tinder and have them check in with you."
Contos went on to express belief that there's an idea surrounding conversations about consent that it's a 'very rigid, awkward thing'.
However, she argued: "If you’re talking about the positives of engaging in consensual and respectful relationships, it’s a really normal and natural progression of that, and it’s pretty much always going to be appreciated.”
Contos, who also founded the online platform Teach Us Consent, went on to stress the importance of having understanding of certain terms when dating.
Such terms include coercive control, sexual act/activity, sexual harm, sexual violence and victim-survivor, which are also being added to the Tinder dictionary.
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“It think it’s significant because these are all words that we instinctively understand but without the actual language to pinpoint them, it’s very hard to talk about them, or engage in the conversations in a respectful way,” she said.
Contos is now keen to reframe how people handle and understand rejection, saying: “If someone doesn’t take an extra step forward with you, whether it’s that they’re not ready to meet with you in real life or kiss on the first date – whatever it is – that doesn’t mean that’s game over.
“It’s all about figuring out what everyone is comfortable with and developing a new connection.”
Topics: Tinder, Sex and Relationships
Emily Brown