Former WWE star Saraya-Jade Bevis has said she 'didn’t really want to be alive anymore' after private images and video leaked online in 2017.
Bevis, who was known in WWE by the name Paige, retired from the sport in 2018 due to injury after becoming a two-time WWE Divas Champion and the inaugural NXT Women's Champion.
Her retirement came one year after photos and videos of her engaged in sex acts were posted online; an ordeal she opened up about when she joined Renee Paquette on her podcast The Sessions.
Advert
Bevis, who is British, recalled being in San Antonio at the time, describing it as 'just the most awful moment' of her life.
She continued: "The person that I was with at the time showed me a picture on Twitter. I was just like ‘Oh my God.’ I was like, ‘Is that real?’ because I couldn’t believe it was real at first.
"I was f**king 19 years old, and I was completely f**king mortified. I ran out of the house. I ran. I just kept f**king running.”
Bevis revealed she quite literally hid in a bush for fear that people would recognise her and know what had happened, with the ordeal coming at a time when she was battling substance abuse issues with cocaine and alcohol.
Advert
“I’d never wish that upon anyone, because that’s the most vulnerable part of you," she continued. "I felt so stupid to have trusted this person at the time.
"I’ve never done it since. That was a f**king lesson, I’ve learned, and I’ll never be caught dead doing it again.
“I felt so f**king stupid, and so embarrassed, and was I already like a f**king coke head at this time, and loved to drink, and that really f**king got me to rock bottom where I didn’t really want to be alive anymore, dude."
Advert
The wrestler remembered being 'so f**king sad' and dreading that her dad would be disappointed with her.
"I remember being like, ‘if my dad is disappointed with me, I don’t think I could be here anymore'," she said.
She called her dad, still while hiding in the bush, and said she was 'so sorry'.
He asked her what she was sorry for and pointing out: “You had sex. Everyone’s done it. Unfortunately you’re just in the public eye. It is what it is. You’ve got to suck it up."
Advert
Bevis' dad admitted it was 'gonna hurt for a little bit' and that people would 'make fun' of her, but made clear: "I just want you to know that I’m still proud of you and I’m not disappointed.”
Her dad's response 'instantly changed' the way she was feeling, and when her brother had a similar reaction she knew she was going to be okay.
Despite having announced her retirement, Bevis said on the podcast she feels 'fantastic' now and said if she were to return to the ring, 'it would be for a really big moment, to wrestle'.
If you’ve been affected by any of these issues and want to speak to someone in confidence, please don’t suffer alone. Call Samaritans for free on their anonymous 24-hour phone line on 116 123
Advert
Please drink responsibly. If you want to discuss any issues relating to alcohol in confidence, contact Drinkline on 0300 123 1110, 9am–8pm weekdays and 11am–4pm weekends for advice and support. If you want friendly, confidential advice about drugs, you can talk to FRANK. You can call 0300 123 6600, text 82111 or contact through their website 24 hours a day, 365 days a year, or livechat from 2pm-6pm any day of the week.
Emily Brown