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Topics: Sex and Relationships
Callum Jones
According to relationship experts, there are ten things you should never say to your partner, which can be particularly tricky in the heat of the moment.
During the heat of an argument with your other half, it can be easy to say something you don't mean - but there are some things which are so off-limits that it could be curtains for your relationship, so it's important to be mindful.
Of course, every relationship is different, but there are some things that are commonplace among all relationships, according to experts.
So, speaking to i News, a series of relationship experts have explained the ten things that you should never say to your partner - and that is under any circumstance.
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Telling your partner that they're overreacting can make them feel unheard and can even border on gaslighting.
“Feeling unheard can lead to one partner feeling lonely and being reluctant to express their views in an open and honest way. Not being true to your authentic self can lead to resentment. In this situation, a couple never learn how to resolve conflicts in a healthy adult way," said chartered counselling psychologist Jeanette Fegan.
A pretty common one I feel, and is often said when one partner is feeling unappreciated or neglected.
Life coach Lorena Bernal says that the statement can be particularly damaging because it creates an assumption about your partner's priorities in the relationship.
Not only can it damage trust but it can suggest that the effort they do make isn't recognized.
This statement can be particularly tricky because - as Lorena points out - it's often untrue.
“Beginning a conversation with what amounts to a falsehood sets a negative tone, as it immediately puts the other person on the defensive," she explained.
This can lead to frustration, hopelessness and also eradicates any past efforts in the relationship.
This statement essentially invalidates your partner's feelings, which isn't a great approach if they're particularly upset over something.
Love and relationship coach Heather Garbutt notes that it's always important to recognize how the other person is experiencing the conflict, adding that invalidating the other person's feelings will only demolish trust.
It's easy to bring up past arguments, but it's never a good idea, according to experts.
In fact, it can actually hinder the resolution of any current disagreements.
“This approach often leads to overreaction, as it compounds the emotional intensity of the present issue with unresolved feelings from previous disputes," said Lorena.
"Your partner is likely to be confused and overwhelmed by the sudden escalation, as their focus is on the immediate problem, not the historical context you’re introducing."
Instead, it's best to stay focused on the issue in question.
It's not the best line to say to anyone, never mind your partner. Neuroscientist and human behavior expert Eldin Hasa explained that the phrase implies superiority and even triggers the stress response, which isn't helpful when it comes to resolution.
This one is pretty self-explanatory. After all, dismissing your partner is never going to end well.
Eldin says that ignoring your partner's feelings can only lead to rejection and ultimately, isolation.
Name calling can be tempting in an argument, but in reality it's never a good idea
Jeanette explained that it can actually have dire consequences on a relationship.
“This type of behavior also erodes the partner’s self-esteem, leading to feelings of worthlessness, and negative cognitions of ‘I’m not good enough’. When this type of behavior is constantly repeated it can make it difficult to resolve issues in a healthy constructive way," she said.
Comparison is the thief of joy in most situations, and especially in relationships.
“Comparing your partner to others can be hurtful and damaging,” said Eldin.
“The brain seeks individuality and uniqueness, and feeling inadequate can lead to emotional distress and strained relationships.”
Ultimatums rarely have a happy ending and can actually be pretty toxic.
In fact, it leads to fear, control and discourages open and honest communication.
Jeanette said any concerns should be discussed openly, in order to find solutions that benefit both parties.
Instead, focus on collaboration, not competition.