Psychologist reveals what it means if you dream about sleeping with your ex

A psychologist has revealed why we have sex dreams, and what it means if they don't involve your current partner.

Sex dreams are incredibly common, and research has shown that eight percent of women's dreams and 12 percent of men's aren't safe for work, according to Psychology Today.

And interestingly, people who have more sex, and spend more time masturbating and fantasizing about sex, tend to have more erotic dreams.

But why does this happen?

Clinical psychologist Borbála Rozsnyik, who collaborated with Erotik.com, explained it's all down to the REM sleep phase when 'dreams tend to be especially vivid, narrative, and emotionally intense because the brain is processing memories and emotions'.

At the same time, 'the production of certain sex hormones increases, and physical arousal may occur—for example, erections in men or increased blood flow to the genital area in women'.

Sex dreams make up about eight percent of dreams (Maskot/Getty)

How common are erotic dreams about people who aren't your other half?

If you're feeling guilty about a naughty dream involving someone who isn't your partner, you're not alone.

A 2021 study found that just 14 percent of people who reported erotic dreams had them exclusively about their partner.

Does it mean you're still hung up on your former flame? Not necessarily in the way you might think, Rozsnyik said.

It 'can indicate emotions that have not yet been fully processed', but that doesn't necessarily mean you still have romantic feelings for them.

Intimate dreams that involve a colleague or friend

Unresolved 'longing, anger, fear, or a sense of loss' can also lead to sex dreams about an ex. But what about a potentially even more mortifying sex dream: one that involves a colleague or a friend?

Rozsnyik said: "Such dreams may reflect exploring boundaries, hint at forbidden wishes, or symbolize traits that the dreamer associates with that person.

What does it mean to have these dreams about your ex? (Jackyenjoyphotography/Getty)

"If someone dreams about having sex with a colleague, it does not necessarily mean that there is an actual - conscious or unconscious - sexual attraction.

"Perhaps the colleague reminds the dreamer of someone else; perhaps the dream reverses a negative attitude; or perhaps a conversation about that person’s relationship triggered a sense of identification."

The 2021 study found that while women most frequently reported sex dreams involving their current partners, men more often found themselves having x-rated dreams about acquaintances. Awkward.

Try not to put too much emphasis on dreams

But ultimately, Rozsnyik said we shouldn't put too much emphasis in the contents of our dreams

"Dream interpretation can be meaningful when a dream continues to occupy someone’s thoughts," she said.

"I do not believe dreams are purely random by-products of neural activity. At the same time, not every dream necessarily has a deeper meaning. Sometimes a dream simply reflects a moment of feeling good during sleep - which may even have a positive effect on the following day."

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