Expert reveals how to fix 'phubbing' in relationships as it becomes increasingly common leading to separations
Phubbing is on the rise in modern relationships... but what is it and what are the causes?
Modern relationships are seeing a new phenomenon in 'phubbing”, something that previous decades of relationships have not experienced because of one thing.
Phones have become close to a modern-day essential. It’s often used as a way to connect with those in our circle - from loved ones to close friends to those we interact with on social media. However, there is a flip side to this which can actually cause more distance in relationships today - and that’s where phubbing enters the chat.
What is phubbing?
Phubbing is defined as unintentionally ignoring someone in favour of your phone which seeps into daily moments.
Think of this - you’re at dinner with your other half and you pick up your phone, initially intending to have a harmless look at the time and before you know it, you’re on Instagram doom-scrolling, whilst your partner is left without your undivided attention. It’s a competition for your attention between them and your phone.
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Phubbing is unfortunately on the rise, causing many to feel ignored in their relationship.
And this doesn’t just happen in romantic relationships by the way, as parents can be guilty of this too, towards their children.
What have the experts said about phubbing and how to the fix it?
Experts have warned about the harmful emotional consequences that phubbing can have in relationships. On a quest to help manage phubbing, Dr Claire Hart, Associate Professor of Psychology at the University of Southampton is the coauthor of a study involving 196 people about their relationships and phone use.
The overall results showed that the more you feel you're being phubbed, the worse your relationship is likely to be.
Dr Hart said: “We know that everyone finds phubbing frustrating and annoying. It might seem trivial, but in relationships these small moments can mount up, creating a sense that your partner’s attention is elsewhere and that you’re less valued."
She suggests: "Creating phone-free zones at mealtimes or before bed and discussing phone boundaries openly can help both partners feel respected.
"If you must check your phone, acknowledge the interruption, explain why and return your attention quickly.
“Simply put, put down your phone to pick up your relationship.”
What have other experts said about the phenomenon?
Dr Kaitlyn Regehr, Associate Professor at University College London suggests to BBC’s Woman’s Hour that when you reach for your phone, you should announce to the other person why you're doing it, and when you have finished using your phone for that purpose, put it down and re-engage with the person.
Whilst it may seem like a simple venture, Dr Regehr says that by simply naming what you are doing e.g. 'I need to check my train times' or 'I'm replying to my mum', you interrupt the automatic habit of checking your phone and it lets the other person know that they still matter to you. In other words: "It stops the other person feeling ignored", as Dr Regehr puts it.
Topics: Health, Sex and Relationships, Technology, Community, Phones
Maxine Harrison