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This is how long foreplay should actually last according to experts

Home> News> Sex & Relationships

Published 18:39 3 Feb 2026 GMT

This is how long foreplay should actually last according to experts

Finally an answer to the age-old question

William Morgan

William Morgan

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If you went for a run without stretching first, you could hardly be surprised if you pulled a muscle or developed a stitch. The same concept applies to sex, but many people seem to think that foreplay is an optional activity.

Or, that this pre-sexual activity is merely the appetizer to be rushed through before the penetrative main course. Similarly, this is like suddenly setting off into a sprint, when you are only halfway through your first lunge or jumping jack.

Setting the wrong pace or tempo like this when having sexual intercourse with another person can leave one of you crossing the finish line, while the other is left several miles behind.

Because of this, sex experts say there is 'a huge orgasm gap between men and women'.

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So, knowing how long you should be spending on your partner's pleasure is an important part of improving your performance in the bedroom.

If your love life is not going as planned, you might want to consider spending longer on 'warming up' (Getty Stock Image)
If your love life is not going as planned, you might want to consider spending longer on 'warming up' (Getty Stock Image)

Exactly how long you should be spending on foreplay largely depends on your partner's sex and their own personal preferences.

And, to stretch the exercise metaphor to its limit, if you aren't asking your partner what they enjoy, you might as well try winning a triathlon without a bicycle.

Certified sex and relationship coach Gemma Nice, explained to Metro how this length of time differs, saying: "Men can usually climax in around 5-7 minutes, whereas it typically takes a female anywhere between 20-30 minutes."

Consequently, the sexpert argues that couples should be aiming for between 15 and 20 minutes of foreplay to maximise their arousal.

With men typically getting there sooner than women, it is important to make sure that this sexual warm-up goes both ways, to 'get her natural lubrication flowing and become aroused in a deeper state'.

Not only does this make it easier to reach that all-important climax, but taking this time to enjoy each other will make you both feel more relaxed, as well as more aroused - and this applies to all genders.

Spending up to 20 minutes playing together before having sex is key to having a good time (Getty Stock Image)
Spending up to 20 minutes playing together before having sex is key to having a good time (Getty Stock Image)

Nice explained: "The longer you’re engaged in foreplay, the more aroused and relaxed the body will be.

"When your body is in a state of calm, the blood can then flow from the heart, lungs and brain and move down to the genitals, allowing the 10,000+ nerve endings there to be activated.

"This can then give a better overall sexual satisfaction to both partners."

Nice said that experimenting with different types of foreplay like edging, where you build arousal and then stop to return later, or breathwork, where you practice taking measured breaths with your partner, can be a good way to elongate your foreplay.

This will not just improve your sexual interaction, but spending this extra time on each other could also improve other areas of your life, as it helps to 'reduce stress and tension within the relationship'.

Featured Image Credit: Getty Stock

Topics: Sex and Relationships, Community, Science, News

William Morgan
William Morgan

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