Featured Image Credit: Getty Stock Image
Topics: Sex and Relationships
Britt Jones
Long has people’s body count been the topic of discussion online and in-person, but when we think about the best number of sexual partners...what’s the general consensus?
People have been judged for years on the number of individuals they have been intimate with, and unsurprisingly, women typically face this wrath more than men.
It makes it really difficult to understand what the population agrees is the ‘acceptable’ number, so maybe we can all know where the goal post is.
As of 2023, women had, on average, had sex with three people across their lifetime, while men claimed to have slept with five people (via YouGov).
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Of course, there have been studies before, where men and women each reveal what they personally think, but when it comes to genders and sexualities, Lovehoney’s latest poll has the most consistent answer across the board, and according to the sex toy website, the tide is changing on who actually cares about body counts.
While previous social media content or TV shows have suggested that men are more interested in how many relationships their partner has had, this time it’s women who are more likely to think it matters in a relationship.
27 per cent of women polled revealed that a partner’s body count matters, while 22 per cent of men said the same. However, this might be related to societal conditions surrounding sex, according to sex and relationships expert Annabelle Knight.
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"The fact that a slightly higher percentage of women still say body count matters could be tied to cultural conditioning, or even past experiences that shape personal boundaries. And that’s okay; everyone’s allowed to have their own comfort zone,” she said.
As for the magic number, it seemed pretty consistent across all areas. For both women and men, three to five sexual partners were considered to be ‘ideal’.
When it came to different sexualities, they were also in agreement with that range, with gay, straight, and bisexuals polled sharing that three to five was in alignment with their beliefs on the topic.
For Knight, this was an ‘interesting’ thing to see, particularly with how the men and women agreed with how many previous partners they found ‘acceptable’ in a new relationship.
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She said: “This tells us that more people than ever are moving away from the judgement and stigma that the numbers conversation brings, and are focusing instead on what really matters: the quality of the connection they have right now.
"Of course, personal boundaries are important, and it’s natural for some to have preferences about a partner’s sexual history. The key is open communication - knowing what you’re comfortable with and sharing that honestly with your partner, without shame or pressure."
However, there is a gap between how generations feel about the same question.
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For Gen Z, Lovehoney found that they prefer someone with a history of one to two partners; Millennials are fine with three to five; those cusp Millennial/Gen X are also fine with three to five; and the same applies to the Silent Generation.
However, Gen X and Boomers seem to be the least bothered about sexual history, as both groups agreed that between five and ten past partners is acceptable to have.
In response, Knight noted that this can be chalked up to the way we live now, as 'younger generations like Gen Z are growing up in a digital age, where comparisons are constant, and dating can feel transactional', which she says could 'lead to more anxiety around sex' as the focus becomes on the amount, rather than making any intimate connections.
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She continued: “On the flip side, older generations have lived through those messy, meaningful, long-term experiences – and for many of them – body count doesn’t even come into the equation anymore. What this tells us is that sexual openness doesn’t always correlate neatly to age.
"Confidence, communication, and emotional maturity grow over time, and with it, a much healthier perspective on what really matters in a relationship."