When Molly Kochan was diagnosed with Stage IV terminal cancer, she decided to make some big changes in her life - including divorcing her husband and entering a 'sexual awakening' - and prior to her death, she reflected on her experiences in one final blog post.
Molly's incredible story has since formed the basis for the Hulu series Dying For Sex, in which she is portrayed by Michelle Williams, with her best friend, Nikki Boyer, played by Jenny Slate.
The two friends documented Molly's story in a podcast of the same name after she was given her terminal cancer diagnosis at 38-years-old.
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Recognizing that she and her husband had been having 'difficulties' even prior to her diagnosis, Molly decided to get a divorce and started dating around, noting in one episode of her podcast: “Being sexual is the antithesis to death. Sex also makes me feel alive and it’s a great distraction for being sick.”
As part of her new approach to life, Molly experimented with sexual fetishes and saucy texts, and slept with a reported 200 men.
She further documented her experiences on her blog, and on March 8, 2019, a post appeared which was titled 'I Have Died'.
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Written before her death, the blog post featured Molly's final message in which she acknowledged that 'so many people who die, specifically of cancer it seems, write viral letters about embracing life'.
"I don’t have those kinds of life lessons to share," she said. "I know what I did at the end of my life. I know what brought me joy. But my list would surely not affect you."
Molly said the sense of connection she'd received after announcing news of her cancer was 'overwhelming', but '98%' of her 'frantic callers' soon dropped away.
"The point of this is not to call anyone out or be hurt, because my last days were great," she continued. "I was with the people who were meant to be there. I understand the urgency of wanting to go out of your way to see a dying friend and then somehow it’s not so urgent. Or the mortality piece doesn’t seem real or even like a space you want to stand in."
"I never wanted to deal with this disease and blame no one for even remotely not wanting to be around it. Even unconsciously," Molly continued.
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"Through the drop ins and outs, I realized that people are going to do whatever they’re going to do regardless of what they want to want. Even me."
Molly said this realization should be 'freeing', though she noted that she continued to put pressure on herself even in her final hours.
She explained: "I get angry when I can’t sit up to type. There are projects I am hoping to finish before I go. But I have no control over any of that. The only thing I can work on is being without the guilt of not doing. Accepting that my days are what they were."
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Molly stressed that the love and connections she felt were real, but added: "If you need to get p**sed at me, go for it. I think I might if I read this note from a good friend who was suddenly not there.
"All my love – m."
Dying for Sex, which Molly's friend Nikki has assured is largely true to life, is available to stream on Hulu.
Topics: Cancer, Film and TV, Health, Hulu, Sex and Relationships
Emily Brown