Expert says quietly slipping out of a party is actually good for your mental health
Topics: Mental Health, Health
William Morgan
Featured Image Credit: Getty Stock
Topics: Mental Health, Health
Leaving a party or social gathering without saying a single goodbye to anyone might seem like the height of rudeness, but it might be actually the best option for your mental health.
Often called an 'Irish goodbye', this strategy of social avoidance can save you a considerable amount of time actually getting out of the door, with any attempt to leave typically requiring an awkward turn around the room to wish everyone a good night.
But after a long night of revelling, psychologist Trudy Meehan of the Royal College of Surgeons in Ireland has said this selfish choice could actually be the best decision you have made for your health all night.
Meehan has said that each goodbye requires a great deal of mental acuity and emotional nuance, all at a time when your social battery has already been drained from a night of partying. Simply slipping out the door can help boost your resilience.
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Making the rounds and saying goodbye to everyone can drain what little amount of socializing ablity you have left and make you feel overwhelmed and exhausted, Meehan has explained in the Conversation.
"You shouldn't leave a party completely drained with nothing left to recover with', she wrote. "Sometimes a silent exit is about self–respect and minding your energy reserves, even if you really enjoyed the evening."
Although in English speaking countries this has become known as an Irish exit or goodbye, this selfish social practice has a name in many cultures, though many European ones refer to a 'French exit'.
Meehan added: "But the concept is the same – one moment you're there, the next you've vanished into the night without a drawn–out round of explanations, hugs and promises to catch up soon."
The practice of saying goodbye is a 'loaded cultural ritual', the psychologist said, explaining that what is happening in your brain is a lot more complex than just saying the word 'bye'.
"Goodbyes are high–demand situations and, sadly, by the end of a social occasion, many of us are already depleted and don't have the energy to handle all the steps involved," Meehan wrote.
The complicated social process of explaining your absence to someone can trigger feelings of being overwhelmed, with your brain tracking and responding to a number of complicated emotions and fears of rejection.
Dr Meehan added that 'the healthy choice becomes using your last bit of energy to recharge and take care of yourself,' but warned that doing it too often can be an act of 'self-erasure'.
And doing so just because you feel anxiety, rather than tiredness, is never a good idea.
She cautioned: "Ask yourself whether leaving without a word made your life bigger – you conserved enough energy to recover and you're glad to go back next time – or whether it shrank it, adding another reason to avoid socialising altogether.
"If saying goodbye starts to feel so pressured and so performed that you lose any sense of being authentic, then the connection is starting to cost more than it's worth."
As always with your friends, the best thing to do is just communicate. "If you're anxious, it's worth letting your host know in advance that you might need to slip away quietly," she said.
"Otherwise, there's a risk that people will read it the wrong way, as coldness or indifference. Get ahead by letting people know you'll leave without saying goodbye, and that you're grateful to have been invited."