Featured Image Credit: Getty Stock Image
Topics: Sex and Relationships, Community, Mental Health, News
Maxine Harrison
Topics: Sex and Relationships, Community, Mental Health, News
The scope of dating has drastically changed over the years thanks to online dating which adds another layer of ambiguity compared to traditional face-to-face dating scenarios.
Of course, we all know about catfish and how the cases of that have risen over the years - so much so that there’s a whole TV series dedicated to it.
But catfishing doesn’t have to be about how people look. There’s also an element of where someone can catfish in their personality when they pretend to be something they’re not or switch between personalities.
Unfortunately, there is a new dating trend on the rise that plays into this and it’s called 'ghostlighting'. And if you haven’t guessed yet, it combines the toxic traits of ghosting and gaslighting.
Advert
You may be familiar with both of these terms as they have risen in popularity over the years, but here’s a reminder. Ghosting is when someone you have been in regular communication with suddenly cuts off communication with you, with no explanation, leaving you thinking they have vanished off the face of the earth. It can leave you wondering if you’ve done something wrong, or even if something terrible has happened to the person you’re speaking with.
Gaslighting, a therapy term, is when someone tries to invalidate your experiences and completely avoid accountability for how their behaviour may play a role in the scenario of how you are feeling.
Now, imagine both of these awful traits being combined to create 'ghostlighting'.
As per the Times of India, Psychologist Fatima Alam defines the term as: "Ghost-lighting is the act of someone disappearing from your life (ghosting) and then returning later, acting like nothing happened, often making you question your feelings or memory of the hurt. This could lead to the other person being unsure of themself."
Painting the picture further about this toxic dating trend, Fatima says: "Common signs of ghost-lighting may include feeling confused, being blamed for overreacting, or feeling like you're being too emotional, while the other person avoids accountability or keeps vanishing and reappearing."
Ghostlighting can cause psychological harm as the ghostlighter often does not return to make amends, but instead manipulates the situation or soothes their guilt.
The cycle of disappearing and reappearing, like a magician of sorts, can leave you feeling invalidated and abandoned. Spotting signs of this is important.
Alam suggests: "First of all, start by validating your feelings. Understand that what happened wasn't okay and practice self-care. Talk to someone you trust or seek therapy, and remember, love should never leave you questioning your worth."