Relationship expert issues warning to couples who go to bed at different times
This simple incompatibility could be causing wider issues
Gerrard Kaonga
A relationship expert has suggested couples may be struggling due to a simple biological difference when it comes to sleep.
When it comes to getting relationships to succeed, both parties have to work hard and work together to ensure both are happy.
Sounds good in theory, but it can be difficult in practice as a whole lot of issues can cause disagreements and ultimately breakups.
However, a relationship expert has suggested some couples may be struggling due to a biological difference when it comes to how they sleep rather than common issues of stress and poor communication.
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Robyn Alesich relationship expert and matchmaker from Sister Wives has explained couples could simply have ‘chronotype clashes’.
A chronotype is your body’s natural tendency to fall asleep and wake up at a certain time. Chronotypes are shaped by circadian rhythms, the body’s internal 24-hour clock which regulates hormones like melatonin and cortisol, influencing when we naturally feel alert or sleepy. It’s another way of explaining early birds and night owls.
Alesich said: “Most couples assume relationship problems stem from communication or stress, but they rarely consider that their body clocks might just be incompatible. Sleep incompatibility often threatens relationships without either person understanding why."
“For example, one partner may feel ready for bed at 10pm while the other is most alert late into the night,” Robyn explains.
As a result being mismatched when it comes to sleep, couples can experience issues. Alesich noted that ‘up to one-third of couples report being “sleep incompatible”.'
The relationship expert also noted studies which indicate couples with matched chronotypes have better sleep quality together than those who don’t.
She continued: “While many couples struggle with intimacy and assume it's an emotional issue, they don’t realize that biology could be a cause.
“Poor sleep affects everything from mood and patience to libido and emotional availability. If you're sleeping worse because your partner's body clock runs differently from yours, it can create a cycle of irritability, impacted emotional connection and lower intimacy.
“This can build up over time and make your relationship feel like it's deteriorating. However, there are solutions.”
Alesich did explain that being incompatible doesn’t mean the relationship should be over.
She said there are simple things that couples can do to make up for this part of their relationship which may be struggling.
She said: “If you’re worried about having mismatched chronotypes, it’s not always a dealbreaker. Couples who understand their biological differences can make adjustments, such as maintaining separate wind-down routines or agreeing on a 'together window' in the evening. Making small changes like this can dramatically improve both sleep and intimacy.”