Relationship expert reveals three toxic phrases you should never say to your partner

A relationship expert has highlighted some phrases that you should avoid saying to your partner.

In a relationship, it's safe to say that there a few things that it's probably not the best idea to say to the person you love.

Phrases such as 'you look nice for a change' or 'you sound just like your mom' are prime examples of things that you should probably avoid saying if you want a happy and long lasting relationship.

Undermining your partner or belittling their achievements are big red flags - if you love someone you should be there to support them when times are tough and celebrate their accomplishments.

But a relationship expert has explained some phrases which, while a bit less obviously awful than the ones above, are still toxic.

Psychologist Jeffrey Bernstein said in Psychology Today: "It's human nature to take things for granted. Unfortunately, the same thing happens in our intimate relationships, where we can lose sight of just how precious and special our partners are to us.

"Following are some observations I often make in couples that come to see me for couples counselling, specifically related to letting their guard down and treating each other poorly."

So let's get into them.

There are plenty of phrases you should avoid in your relationship (SimpleImages/Getty)

'You're too sensitive'

This phrase which belittles someone's feelings in reaction to something, and invalidates what might be a perfectly reasonable response to something distressing or unpleasant.

Bernstein added that it's sometimes accompanied by 'stonewalling', where someone shuts themselves off.

"Given that the hallmark of any healthy relationship is the ability to have calm, constructive conversations, stonewalling does not bode well for any relationship's future," he said.

These three phrases could a sign of one big problem (Tara Moore/Getty)

'You're overreacting'

'Gaslighting' is a phrase which is often misused on social media, and in practice it refers to convincing someone that they're crazy or that they are imagining things.

In a relationship, it is a method of control which can be used to dismiss problems, or convince someone that there isn't actually a problem at all, like saying they're 'overreacting'.

Bernstein recalled a couple he referred to as 'Lisa' and 'Aaron', whose relationship saw the phrase 'you're overreacting' come up.

He explained: “She said, ‘In the earlier days, Aaron would tell me he was crazy about me, but in the last couple of years, all he does is tell me I’m crazy when I try to talk to him about important things in our relationship'.

"A few months later, I received a crisis call from Aaron, whom I had only met once. Aaron begged to come in with Lisa. Lisa begrudgingly agreed to the session.

"She was ice cold to Aaron as he lay outstretched on the floor in my office. Lisa was resolute, 'I'm done!'. Their relationship was over."

Some phrases are a big red flag (Justin Paget/Getty)

'It's no big deal'

Again, this comes back to the theme of invalidating someone's emotions or feelings, rather than properly acknowledging them and trying to work through something.

While a problem might not seem important to one partner, it could be a big thing for the other, and as a result they might feel dismissed or not listened to as a result.

Bernstein also said that 'keeping score' of grievances is bad as well, as it can lead to 'tallies'.

He said: "Being wedded to a mental tally of things like who apologised last, initiated intimacy, or picked up around the house breeds resentment and power struggles."

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