Jake Massey
From time to time, the news gods bless us with a special story - and today is a blessed day my friends.
In Santa Cruz, California, a bloke has been inexplicably walking about dressed as the Cookie Monster, and the police department has been receiving calls from creeped out citizens.
Of course, walking about dressed as the Cookie Monster radiating creepy vibes is not a crime, but the cops did a little digging and were able to identify the man behind the costume as... Adam Sandler. I s**t you not.
Adam Sandler is The Creepy Cookie Monster, coming to a cinema near you. To be fair, that is a plausible Adam Sandler movie.
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Though this isn't the Adam Sandler of Uncut Gems fame, this is an Adam Sandler with a history of making 'unpredictable vulgar comments' across the country.
"Recently, a man dressed up like the Cookie Monster in Santa Cruz is causing concern around the Beach and Wharf areas," police said.
"The Santa Cruz Police Department (SCPD) identified the costume-clad man as Adam Sandler, and he has no relation to the actor."
So not only is it not the Adam Sandler, it's also not his dad, brother or uncle, who is also called Adam. Glad they cleared that up.
The police statement continued: "Santa Cruz Police Department have received calls and emails from people who say he is 'creepy' and his presence and comments make them uncomfortable.
"Based on Adam Sandler's history across the country, the Santa Cruz Police Department advises the public not to engage with this individual and steer clear of him."
The force went on to urge members of public not to engage with the Adam Sandler Cookie Monster.
SCPD said: "So far, Sandler has not committed a crime in the City of Santa Cruz. Community members have asked if it's safe for children to take photos with this 'Cookie Monster'?
"THE ANSWER - It's a parent's prerogative and risk to allow their child to take a picture with this character.
"Remember that SCPD advises the public not to interact with this person in the cookie monster costume due to his history of unpredictable vulgar comments and troublesome behavior.
"It is important to note he is not employed by, contracted by, or permitted by the City of Santa Cruz or any local business on the Wharf or surrounding areas.
"This individual is exercising his first amendment rights; however, if you are a victim or witness a criminal act by this individual, please file a police report immediately.
"We ask that you assist SCPD in identifying and signing a complaint against the person(s) responsible. We also ask you to be willing to testify in court if necessary.
"If you have concerns about inappropriate behavior or him claiming to be hired by the City or a business, you should contact www.SantaCruzPolice.com."