Featured Image Credit: TikTok/@dammitdelta
Topics: Mental Health, TikTok, Social Media
Poppy Bilderbeck
Topics: Mental Health, TikTok, Social Media
A TikToker who claims to be diagnosed with antisocial personality disorder (ASPD) has opened up about why she 'enjoys' feeling certain emotions others don't.
While you cannot be diagnosed with 'sociopathy' specifically, if you exhibit certain behaviors associated with it you can be diagnosed with antisocial personality disorder (ASPD).
And a TikToker who claims to have been 'professionally diagnosed with ASPD and narcissistic personality disorder' and who refers to herself as a 'narcissistic sociopath' uses her platform to raise awareness of what it's like living with the condition.
The National Library of Medicine describes psychopathy as 'a neuropsychiatric disorder marked by deficient emotional responses, lack of empathy, and poor behavioral controls, commonly resulting in persistent antisocial deviance and criminal behavior'.
Advert
And in a video posted to her page earlier this month, TikToker Delta - who goes by @dammitdelta on the platform - explains she was 26-years-old when she first 'realized that most people don't actually enjoy feeling emotions like hate and rage'.
"I knew some people didn't like those emotions," she continues. "But I genuinely did not know that most people don't enjoy feeling those things."
Whereas Delta does enjoy it.
When she realized this 'wasn't normal' she decided to try take a deeper dive into why this was.
She reflects: "For me, my ASPD blocks out and blunts a lot of my emotions. I lack specific emotions like empathy and remorse and a lot of my other emotions are pretty dull.
"That being said, I think that I enjoy emotions like being full of hate and being full of rage because they're intense, they feel real. A lot of my other emotions are very quick passing or very dulled and don't necessarily feel real. They're more superficial.
"It's stimulating and brings me a sense of enjoyment whereas typically I just feel like an empty void."
And this lack of feeling emotions strongly can have more serious consequences for Delta too.
She reveals she 'never realized before just how much the blunting of [her] emotions leads to [her] engaging in reckless behavior' or even 'seeking out emotions like hatred or anger' such as seeking out 'fights with other people'
The emotion she feels 'most intensely' is anger and because she doesn't have 'any issues with feeling anger' the emotion brings her much more of 'a sense of stimulation' than other emotions do and allows her to feel 'real and human'.
Delta clarifies when she's speaking about anger she's 'referring to high levels' or 'rage'.
"The day-to-day low level anger and irritation I feel actually kinda sucks," she added.
The TikToker ultimately negates the stereotype that she's 'devoid of emotion,' instead explaining she struggles with 'emotional regulation' and has a 'limited' range of emotions.
She resolves: "I like the power behind emotions like hate so whereas for most people hate and anger seem to be something that causes them distress, that doesn't feel good to them, those emotions feel good to me. I like feeling them and I seek them."
If you or someone you know is struggling or in crisis, help is available through Mental Health America. Call or text 988 to reach a 24-hour crisis center or you can webchat at 988lifeline.org. You can also reach the Crisis Text Line by texting MHA to 741741.