Hospice nurse reveals the most common regrets people have before they die
Before you die, it’s understandable that you’d reflect on your life and even go on to regret some of the things you did or didn’t do.
Whatever the regret is, it can feel harrowing at the end when you realize that there are things you could have done differently, but no longer have the chance to correct the course of action.
But is it common for people to think about similar regrets?
Bronnie Ware, a nurse who spent years working in palliative care, has opened up about the five common things that people often regret about their lives as they start to approach death.
Advert
Ware has been very open about the details of her work, from talking about patients, the death process and grieving families.
As a nurse, she’s seen a lot of things that many people will never have the chance to, and considering she’s letting us all in on her insights before we (hopefully) reach the end - we now have the chance to live life differently based on the regrets we might one day have.
On her blog, she explained: "People grow a lot when they are faced with their own mortality. I learnt never to underestimate someone’s capacity for growth. Some changes were phenomenal.
"Each experienced a variety of emotions, as expected, denial, fear, anger, remorse, more denial and eventually acceptance. Every single patient found their peace before they departed though, every one of them.
"When questioned about any regrets they had or anything they would do differently, common themes surfaced again and again."
'I wish I hadn’t dedicated so much of my life to working so hard'
Bronnie revealed that many expressed their woes of having spent so much of their lives at work.
Apparently, men in particular voiced this regret the most, with many being the 'breadwinners' of their houses.
Upon reflection, they wished they had spent more time with their loved ones instead.
'I wish I’d lived my life the way I wanted, not how others expected me to behave'
I'm sure a lot of people can empathize with this one.
Bronnie said that many felt they suppressed their true desires in a bid to keep the people around them happy.
One thing in particular that the nurse noticed was that people regretted not pursuing their personal dreams.
"The only way we can find peace within is to be true to our own calling, our dream and own nature," she wrote in her 2011 book, The Top Five Regrets of the Dying - A Life Transformed by the Dearly Departing.
'I regret losing touch with so many of my friends'
As we get older and busier, it gets harder to maintain friendships. According to a survey published in 2023, eight percent of respondents in the US said they had no close friends in what's being hailed as 'a loneliness epidemic' in America.
But, while it might not seem like it when you've got three kids at home and a busy 9-5 job, friendships are extremely important to achieving a fulfilling life.
'I wish I’d been brave enough to express my feelings more'
We've all heard of 'the one that got away', right? Well, it turns out many people at death's door wished they'd expressed how they felt more.
According to Bronnie, a lot of people she spoke to 'suppressed their feelings in order to keep peace with others'.
"As a result, they settled for a mediocre existence and never became who they were truly capable of becoming," she continued.
"Many developed illnesses relating to the bitterness and resentment they carried as a result."
'I wish I’d let myself be happier'
Of course, life has its ups and downs, but do we really appreciate those happy moments? And could there be more of them?
Many of Bronnie's patients concluded as their lives were drawing to an end that happiness is a choice - and sadly, a choice they didn't choose enough.
Some expressed that they felt 'stuck' at points in their lives, and I think we can all agree that sticking to the status quo can sometimes be the easy option... even if it doesn't make us happy.
Bronnie emphasized: "Life is a choice. It is YOUR life. Choose consciously, choose wisely, choose honestly. Choose happiness."
If you have experienced a bereavement and would like to speak with someone in confidence, contact GrieveWell on (734) 975-0238, or email [email protected].
Britt Jones