I'm the real-life Grinch, but here's how I've learned to cope over Christmas

Christmas, while a time for being merry, has become an increasingly more difficult period to navigate.

I dread Christmas. I come from a small - and fairly dysfunctional - family who aren't religious and who don't have much money. There have been Christmas days where people have walked out, I take a ritual half-an-hour break to have a sob, and the winter months do little to perk everyone's festive spirits. Coronavirus simply made matters worse.

While Christmas is a good time for reflection and to feel grateful for what you do have, it can also be a period that highlights what you've lost.

The pandemic has taken the lives of millions of loved ones across the globe, and as we try to steady ourselves for a second Christmas amid such turbulence, the presence of people we have lost, the financial strain, the pressure to be merry and the impact on our mental health is going to be felt more than ever. UNILAD spoke to life coach, counsellor and neuro-linguistic practitioner Anna Williamson about how best to prepare.

You may've seen Anna on-screen offering dating advice to celebrities on Channel 4, but alongside reality television, Anna has experience in other aspects of wellbeing and mental health, and agreed 'increasingly, Christmas is a very difficult time for a lot of people'.

'Over two in five Brits have felt stressed in the festive season,' according to YouGov, and Anna explained how 'regardless of the pandemic [...] Christmas is a time of year which can inflate emotions: positive and negative'.

While Anna is 'one of those people that just live for this time of year,' she explained how Christmas can be tricky because 'it comes with a lot of sentimentality, nostalgia and people dealing with loss.'

She said: "Christmas is a time of year where we can't help but tap into our memories of Christmases gone by and what we've enjoyed, where we've been and who we've been with.

"So for a lot of people who've lost loved ones or had a change in their financial situation or in relationship situation it can just throw up all of those old emotions and feelings, and be an uncomfortable place mentally to sit."

Anna advised it is 'perfectly okay for people to not like Christmas' and noted how being 'surrounded by the adverts, music and everybody seemingly having a wonderful whale of a time' can just make it even worse.

"If your life is less than box-tickingly perfect, then there's a pressure to feel like you should be enjoying a time of year, which can actually be incredibly tricky for a lot of people. There's lots of reasons why people don't enjoy Christmas, and it's perfectly reasonable and acceptable for people who don't enjoy it to just sit with that and own that," Anna said.

Anna recommended if you are struggling with loss, 'go at your own pace' and try to feel 'confident and comfortable in dictating what you can and can't do, or what you do and don't want to do'.

Loneliness is often highlighted at Christmas, particularly amid a pandemic which has stolen the life and livelihoods of many, with 'between 31 percent and 41 percent' of people aged between '21 and 35' already previously feeling anxious and alone during the festive season.

"If people are going through grief, it may be the wrong thing to sit there and be playing charades on Christmas day and stuffing your face with food," Anna said.

Anna instead advised doing something different, like going out for lunch, or to a different person's house, or even not celebrating Christmas traditionally at all, because of the festive season 'compounding a lot of that grief and loss, for example, to see an empty chair or a ritual or tradition which is no longer there because that person isn't anymore either'.

However, since the pandemic may be confining us once again to our homes, Anna suggested something as small as to 'switch up the table plan, so it isn't so obvious that someone is missing, maybe do a running buffet, that might be something a little bit easier'.

"It's all these seemingly simple and small things which can actually make the biggest difference," she explained.

She said: "From my own experience, when my grandmother passed away, it was like a gaping hole at Christmas at the dinner table, where she sat. The joke was always, 'That's nan's chair', and it can feel very upsetting when that person is so very obviously not there. So what we did is switched up the table plan, and even changed the positioning of the table which we ate our Christmas lunch in so it became different."

With Christmas also comes the pressure of giving gifts. Even more so, after a horrific and strenuous two years, many are feeling the pressure to ensure Christmas day is perfect to make up for the pandemic. This places even more financial strain on serving up a day to remember, particularly after many have lost their jobs or suffered financially.

47 percent of people who are out of work feel stressed in the run-up to Christmas, however, Anna reflected that, if anything, 'more than any time we've ever had, the past two years have really taught all of us humility and acceptance, compassion, empathy and sympathy'.

"I think a lot of the Keeping Up With The Jones' has certainly fallen by the wayside a lot more, because we've been confronted with our own morality over the pandemic,' she said.

For many, our family, friends and own health is the utmost of importance now at this time of the year because of coronavirus, with over a third of people, according to Action for Children, being worried about getting ill or dying.

Anna noted that as a family of faith, she and her relatives have chosen to 'drill down at this time of the year to what Christmas really means'.

One in six parents would cancel the festive period if they could, however, to reassure parents who may be concerned about being able to give their children the same type of Christmas as in previous years, Anna noted how from working as a children's counsellor, it's the memories which actually last.

She said: "[Children] will always talk about what they did at Christmas, as in who they spent it with, the little nuances, like 'I got to stay up late and eat mince pies'. They very rarely prioritise what they actually got.

"Many years later, they won't tell you what they got for Christmas on that particular year, but they will talk about a memory and a time they spent with their parents. Children are founded in love, stability and routine at this time of year, nothing else.

"So anyone that's feeling bad that they can't afford the latest gadgetry, you know what, be rich in the people you've got around you, not the wants and the things you could get if you had a bucket-load of cash."

However, Anna admitted that her mother - like I have - has battled with the idea of Christmas because of it becoming so 'commercialised,' and has since gone 'back to her roots' to enjoy it again, such as putting her tree up just days before Christmas 'because in the church that's when it goes up'.

"And that's not to say that it's what everyone has to do - I like to put my tree up on the first of December, but I think what it is, is really owning your own Christmas and what it means to you, and staying in your lane, and appreciating and respecting anyone else who's in their lane," Anna noted.

If you're still not convinced by Christmas, then fear not, because New Years is right around the corner too.

Anna resolved: "I think keep a healthy dose of perspective, Christmas, if it makes it easier for you to view it as just another couple of days in the calendar, then treat it as such. We put so much pressure on ourselves to enjoy Christmas and enforce fun, but actually, who is forcing that? No one is physically forcing you to do that. Sure, society and the majority of people are doing that, but be maverick, do something completely different, maybe have a non-Christmas, if that's what you want to do. Go for a walk, go to the cinema, if that feels a lot more palatable to you to get through the festive season. And focus on January."

If you're experiencing distressing thoughts and feelings, the Campaign Against Living Miserably (CALM) is there to support you. They're open from 5pm–midnight, 365 days a year. Their national number is 0800 58 58 58 and they also have a webchat service if you're not comfortable talking on the phone