Terry Crews has spoken out about how his marriage nearly came to an end because of his addiction to porn.
The Brooklyn Nine-Nine star got married in 1989 to actress Rebecca King-Crews.
The pair share five children: Isaiah; Naomi; Azriel; Tera; and Wynfrey.
However, Crews' marriage was threatened by his porn addiction, which he first developed at the age of around nine or 10 years old.
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Crews explained that when he got married he thought the 'porn would go away'.
"I said 'I've got a real woman now, I don't need to tell her about anything. It was a phase, I'm going to be out of it, it'll be great'."
However, after the couple's first argument, the actor left and went to get some porn.
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"I thought it was going to be my answer to what it was, but I realised it didn't. So I decided that was going to be my secret. And then you develop a thing, where if you're in a secret, everybody's in a secret. Like 'I'm sure this is the way everybody is'," he explained.
Therapy made him realise this wasn't the case.
"It was no different than any other thing that would numb you, be it drugs, be it alcohol," he said.
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Crews took part in the '12 steps' programme, which he noted works for 'a lot of different addictions' and not just alcohol.
"What I got backward in my whole life, was I was trying to change things I couldn't change at all and the things I could I thought I was powerless," he explained.
Crews reflected on the 'wake up call of all wake up calls'; a day his family call 'D-Day'.
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He said: "What had happened was 10 years earlier in 2000, I had went to a massage parlour and got a handjob and cheated on her. And I vowed to never tell a soul. I couldn't believe i did that."
However, the actor explained how it 'just fuelled the want for more'.
"And I crossed the line. [...] I said 'I'm going to go to my grave with this'."
However, his wife had always been 'suspicious' and in February 2010, it 'all culminated'.
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Crews' wife asked him: "What is it I don't know about you, Terry Crews?"
The actor reflected: "Man it broke me. We were on the phone. [...]
"I was asking myself, 'Why wouldn't she believe me', when I should have been asking, 'Why am I lying?'
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"I blamed her for not believing me. Success is the warmest place to hide. But I was not real, I was a lie, I was living a lie. "
When the actor did tell his wife about the parlour, he heard her 'gasp'.
"She said 'I'm done, I don't know who you are, I have no idea'.
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He continued: "Let me tell you the shocking thing about me telling her that revelation. [...] I said, 'Fine. Thank you. Now we know. [...] Cool you can't handle it'.
"I had all kinds of excuses – 'You don't understand my upbringing. I've got a high sex drive. Look at all the women I could be having'.
However, Crews explained that when his wife did leave, 'a little voice was like, 'Maybe it's me'.'
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Crews noted how it was like 'cracking an egg' and trying desperately to seal it again.
"And I went damn it, it is me. I lied. What I presented to my wife was an image. She was married to that and not the real Terry Crews," he said.
Terry battled with his porn addiction from the age of nine or 10 years old 'all the way up to about 12 years ago'.
The actor concluded: "One thing I learned which is so important and incredible after all this - once me and my wife rebuilt our marriage literally from the ground up – I learnt that intimacy is the only thing I'm looking for.
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"Intimacy really is that someone knows you, all your stuff, the good and bad, and loves you anyway. That's all that every man is looking for."
If you've been affected by any of the issues in this article, you can call the Addiction Center on (886) 350-0851 or visit online support group Daily Strength.
Topics: Pornhub
Poppy Bilderbeck