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Topics: Mental Health, Wales, UK News, Sex and Relationships, LGBTQ, Life
Niamh Shackleton
Topics: Mental Health, Wales, UK News, Sex and Relationships, LGBTQ, Life
A 47-year-old man has admitted he's still a virgin because he is 'petrified' of being intimate with anyone.
Andrew Brookman says he's always been 'timid' and was a victim of bullying at school. After his parents divorced when he was 10, it fuelled his fear of being social, getting into a relationship or being intimate, he claims.
Andrew didn't want to experience arguments and had a 'fear of life' so would 'rather be on my own'.
He says his fears also came from suppressing his sexuality and the homophobia he saw while he was growing up.
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Now, he is starting to open up about his sexuality and is no longer ashamed of being a 47-year-old virgin.
He feels he can relate to those on Channel 4's new show, Virgin Island - a unique course in intimacy to help them overcome the fears that are holding them back.
Andrew, a cleaner, from Pontypridd, Wales, UK, said: "I've never been in a relationship. Watching other people get divorced and seeing arguments gave me a fear of being social and intimate.
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"I didn't want to go through all that. I'd rather be on my own."
He continued to share: "You feel a sense of shame [being a virgin]. Having no confidence, no self-esteem and no self-worth and being repressed of sex drove me to seek therapy because I was petrified of getting intimate with anybody.
"I am not ashamed of being a virgin at 47."
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At 16 years old, Andrew realized he was gay but he was fearful of opening up about his sexuality due to homophobia in society at the time.
He said: "The fear grew. I went into the closet."
In his late 20s, Andrew went to therapy and was put on antidepressants, however, he still struggled to get passed his fear.
The Welshman also tackled a porn addiction in his 30s when he got his own place, which saw him watch gay porn every night for up to two hours at a time as it was his 'only outlet'.
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Speaking about his addiction, Andrew explained: "It was my only outlet. It was my only way of feeling sex and seeing sex.
"I wanted to be doing it as well. I was jealous of them [the porn stars]. I was enraged that I couldn't even have sex in private."
Now, he is starting to let his guard down and open up more by writing a book, titled Colours of a Rare Bird.
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He says writing down exactly how he feels has been able to help him overcome shame and he has volunteered for the first time ever at his local pride.
You can find out more about Andrew's book here.