Nurse reveals most common regrets people have before they die and it might surprise you
Many people when they are confronted with the finality of death find themselves reflecting on the life they have led - and whether things could have turned out differently.
It is quite common for those on their deathbed to take a fresh look at major moments or mistakes in their lives and wonder if they could have turned out better, or to reflect on their biggest regrets.
Bronnie Ware, a nurse who specializes in caring for people in the last weeks of their lives, has said that she never underestimates 'someone's capacity for growth' with many finding a new perspective after going through the usual emotions - 'denial, fear, anger, remorse, more denial and eventually acceptance'.
With palliative care patients often taking on a reflective mood, Ware has heard a lot of people talk about their greatest regrets in life and what they wish they could have done differently. And despite the wide variety of human experience, five 'common themes surfaced again and again' before people slipped away.
Advert
Being true to yourself
The palliative care nurse, who helps terminal patients to feel comfortable at home before they die, said that people's number one regret on their deathbed was, 'I wish I’d had the courage to live a life true to myself, not the life others expected of me'.
It can be hard to not live the life that is expected of you, with family wishes and career demands largely dictating the tempo of our lives, even if that is not the life we want to lead.
Nurse Ware said: "When people realise that their life is almost over and look back clearly on it, it is easy to see how many dreams have gone unfulfilled.
"Most people had not honoured even a half of their dreams and had to die knowing that it was due to choices they had made, or not made."
Take it easy
The second most common regret shared on people's deathbeds is one that many of us feel, but rarely do anything about, 'I wish I hadn’t worked so hard.'
Everyone needs to earn their pay in this world, but sometimes we can get so lost in the rat race that we never really live.
The nurse said: "This came from every male patient that I nursed. They missed their children’s youth and their partner’s companionship. All of the men I nursed deeply regretted spending so much of their lives on the treadmill of a work existence."
Express yourself
Ware said the third most frequent regret people had was holding their tongue at the wrong moment, with many saying at the end, 'I wish I’d had the courage to express my feelings'.
Trying to avoid the drama and take the easy route might be a good way to avoid conflict, but it might also leave you unsatisfied and angry.
Ware said: "Many people suppressed their feelings in order to keep peace with others. As a result, they settled for a mediocre existence and never became who they were truly capable of becoming. Many developed illnesses relating to the bitterness and resentment they carried as a result."
Stay in touch with friends
The fourth biggest regret was for for all the friendships that people had let slip through their fingers, with many saying , 'I wish I had stayed in touch with my friends'.
Everyone leads busy lives, but letting your friendships slip through your fingers because you don't make time for them can leave you feeling unfulfilled at the end.
She said: "Often they would not truly realise the full benefits of old friends until their dying weeks and it was not always possible to track them down.
"Many had become so caught up in their own lives that they had let golden friendships slip by over the years. There were many deep regrets about not giving friendships the time and effort that they deserved.
"Everyone misses their friends when they are dying."
Be happy
The final common regret held by people as they are dying is for all the moments where they let themselves be miserable, with some telling her, 'I wish that I had let myself be happier'.
In a moment where you feel sad or angry, it can be really difficult to see the wood for the trees. But wallowing in misery is just another wasted moment.
Nurse Ware said: "This is a surprisingly common one. Many did not realise until the end that happiness is a choice. They had stayed stuck in old patterns and habits. The so-called ‘comfort’ of familiarity overflowed into their emotions, as well as their physical lives. Fear of change had them pretending to others, and to their selves, that they were content. When deep within, they longed to laugh properly and have silliness in their life again."
And after seeing so many people die with regret, the palliative care nurse had some good advice for those with plenty of time left on the clock. She said: "Life is a choice. It is YOUR life. Choose consciously, choose wisely, choose honestly. Choose happiness."
Topics: Mental Health, Health, Community, Life
William Morgan