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Palliative care nurse shares what patients regretted most when they were dying

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Updated 16:11 4 Aug 2023 GMT+1Published 16:09 4 Aug 2023 GMT+1

Palliative care nurse shares what patients regretted most when they were dying

The regrets may surprise you

Amelia Jones

Amelia Jones

Spending their whole day surrounded by the dying means palliative care nurses know a thing or two about the remorse of people as they prepare to meet their maker - and one has decided to share the top five regrets of her end-of-life patients.

While they're a sobering read - their wisdom might just put a few things into perspective for all of us.

Palliative care nurse, aptly named Georgina Scull, is a healthcare worker who's built a career dedicated to helping her patients navigate the often frightening final three months of their life.

Her book, Regrets of the Dying, documents some of these final journeys as she shares their final pearls of wisdom to the living they're leaving behind - after all, hindsight is 20/20.

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The regrets may surprise you.
Getty/Peter Dazeley

Morbid? A little. But sometimes you need a little dark perspective to appreciate the light in your own journey.

Number one on the list was wishing they'd had the courage to do what they wanted instead of living up to the expectations of others.

"This was the most common regret of all," said Georgina - and you can see why.

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In the famed words of the late Frank Sinatra, being able to say 'I did it my way', is important.

She goes on to add: "Most people had not honoured even a half of their dreams and had to die knowing that it was due to choices they had made, or not made.

“Health brings a freedom very few realise, until they no longer have it."

Number one on the list was wishing they'd had the courage to do what they wanted instead of living up to the expectations of others.
Getty/Jackyenjoyphotography

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So, with some much-needed perspective, let's head on to the next one on the list, which was: I wish I hadn't worked so hard.

Here's to all those doing overtime, working three jobs to pay the rent, or just trying to make ends meet.

According to the nurse, this regret was most common among male patients as she explained: "All of the men I nursed deeply regretted spending so much of their lives on the treadmill of a work existence."

Now, we're not here to tell you to quit your job - Beyoncé's already done that - but, we will say that if you can try to not bring your work home, it'll do you the world of good.

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Next up? I wish I'd had the courage to express my feelings.

The author noted: "Many people suppressed their feelings in order to keep peace with others.

Most people regretted not keeping in touch with friends or telling people how they feel.
Getty/Pramote Polyamate

“As a result, they settled for a mediocre existence and never became who they were truly capable of becoming. Many developed illnesses relating to the bitterness and resentment they carried as a result."

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So, if you need a sign, stop holding back, stop making your feelings small to comfort others - it's not doing anyone any good.

Fourth up on the list? I wish I'd stayed in touch with my friends.

"Many had become so caught up in their own lives that they had let golden friendships slip by over the years," the nurse wrote.

"There were many deep regrets about not giving friendships the time and effort that they deserved. Everyone misses their friends when they are dying."

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Heck, we miss our friends after going on holiday, and if you haven't in a while, drop your close mates a text.

The fifth and final regret?

The regrets might put a few things into perspective for all of us.
Getty/Jackyenjoyphotography

I wish I had let myself be happier.

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This seems simple but is, apparently, 'surprisingly common', which is actually pretty heartbreaking when you think about it.

"Fear of change had them pretending to others, and to themselves, that they were content, when deep within, they longed to laugh properly and have silliness in their life again," Georgia wrote.

And there you have it, live your life for yourself, don't work yourself to death, tell people how you feel, stay in touch with your friends and let yourself be happy.

Featured Image Credit: Angela Hampton Picture Library / Alamy

Topics: Health

Amelia Jones
Amelia Jones

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