**Content warning: This article references suicide**
Allison Holker has spoken out about how she's coping four months after her husband Stephen 'tWitch' Boss' tragic death.
Stephen was just 40 years old when he passed away last year (13 December), leaving behind Allison alongside their three children, Weslie Fowler, 14, Maddox Laurel Boss, 6, and Zaia Boss, 3, as well as half of his estate.
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The widower has since opened up on the devastating loss of her husband and how she and her family are now handling life without him.
Stephen, a former dancer on So You Think You Can Dance and DJ on the Ellen Degeneres Show, was found dead in Encino, Los Angeles last year.
His death was officially ruled as suicide, according to the coroner’s report.
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While Allison, who had been married to Stephen since 2013, released a heartfelt tribute to her late husband the day after his passing - she has now spoken some more on the situation in her first interview since his death.
Recalling her memories shared with him, she told PEOPLE magazine today (2 May): "Our love was so real and so loud. We always told people our house was like a choreographed dance."
The mom-of-three went on to reveal: "No one had any inkling that he was low. He didn't want people to know.
"He just wanted to be everyone's Superman and protector."
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Allison said the situation has been 'really hard', adding: "I can't understand what was happening in that moment [he died].
"Stephen brought so much joy to this world, and he deserves to be remembered as the beautiful man he was."
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Since losing her husband, Allison disclosed that she was left 'really confused' and in search of what her 'new purpose would be'.
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She then recalled a conversation with her friend, Andy Grammer, who was able to give her some key advice on how to go about finding her purpose again.
"I actually spoke to my friend, Andy Grammer, and I expressed to him, 'How am I going to still live out what I know is my purpose - love and joy - and has always been my family's purpose?'," she remembered.
"He said, 'Allison, it's still your purpose. It just looks a bit different now — and it's a little more depth-filled.' I'll never forget that conversation because I feel like I knew it inside of me, but hearing it from a friend that I still have that purpose is helping me move forward as well."
Following Stephen's death, Allison explained: "I've had so many people, specifically men, reaching out to me, [saying] how they were so affected because they didn't realize how much they were holding on to and not expressing.
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"I found that to be a lot to hold on to at first, but then I realized I want people to feel safe talking to me and to open up and understand that we have to support each other in these moments."
She continued: "I could allow myself to go to a really dark place right now, and that would be valid and fine," she adds. "But I want to choose a different way for myself and the kids."
While for the first few weeks after Stephen's death it was 'getting harder and harder' for Allison to get up in the morning, she is trying her hardest to be there for her friends and family.
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"I'm trying to teach them, and myself, that if you're angry or sad, it doesn't mean you're a bad person," she explained.
"We're coping together, and that requires trust and being really vulnerable."
If you’ve been affected by any of these issues and want to speak to someone in confidence, please don’t suffer alone. Call Samaritans for free on their anonymous 24-hour phone line on 116 123
If you have experienced a bereavement and would like to speak with someone in confidence, contact Cruse Bereavement Care via their national helpline on 0808 808 1677
Topics: Celebrity, Sex and Relationships, Mental Health
Rhiannon Ingle