Harvard Grad Perfectly Explains Why Some People Insist On Saying ‘Not All Men’

Emily Brown


Harvard Grad Perfectly Explains Why Some People Insist On Saying 'Not All Men'Herspective/TikTok

A former Harvard student and TikTok user has discussed the phrase ‘not all men’ after people started to use it in relation to violence against women. 

‘Not all men’ has been used frequently to respond to cases of harassment, assault or even murder of women, with those using it attempting to argue that men in general shouldn’t be blamed for the actions of the person involved in the case. Following the disappearance of Sarah Everard this month, the phrase even began trending on Twitter.

The TikTok user, Evelyn, addressed the phrase in a post last month, in which she explained she ‘specifically studied gender-based trauma’ and that she has ‘two relevant master’s degrees from Harvard’ on the subject.

Check it out below:

In the video, the Harvard grad stated that the behaviour which encourages people to say ‘not all men’ comes from three sources, the first of which is a ‘male “pick me” behaviour’.

Evelyn explained that people who behave in this manner acknowledge that ‘there are men out there who are acting in abusive and oppressive ways’, but stress: ‘I’m not one of them! I’m one of the good guys!’

As a sidenote on this particular argument, the TikToker said that claiming to be ‘one of the good guys’ is a ‘total delusion’, as ‘in a patriarchy everyone has internalised misogyny and sexism and oppressive ways to treat women’.

She added: ‘That’s why we all gotta unlearn patriarchal ways of behaving.’

TikToker explains why people say 'not all men'Herspective/TikTok

The second source for the ‘not all men’ argument comes from ‘the need to control women’s voices’.

The Harvard grad pointed out that the men using this phrase are ‘tone policing women far more than they are mad at those men who are abusing, harassing and raping women’, despite the men being the ones ‘giving the rest of them a bad name.’

Finally, the decision to use the phrase can apparently also be fuelled by the ‘male superiority complex’, which is related to the ‘pick me’ behaviour.

In this situation, men may offer their understanding that ‘there are awful men out there who will abuse and rape and harass you, and oppress you’, but argue that they are not like that, and that women should ‘depend on’ them to protect themselves from male violence.

Evelyn commented: ‘This instills in women a fear of independence. That the real solution to the male violence is another man. That’s not true by the way.’

Of course, it’s clear that not all men are inappropriate or violent towards women, but the ‘not all men’ argument misses the point: not all men are the issue, but all women are forced to try and protect themselves from those who are.

As Evelyn points out, the issue is one that is rooted in society, and relies on a complete overhaul of behaviour and consistency in offenders being held accountable to enact change.

If you have a story you want to tell, send it to UNILAD via [email protected]

Topics: Viral, Now, Sarah Everard, TikTok


  1. Herspective/TikTok


Emily Brown
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