Ellie Kemp
The Transportation Security Administration (TSA) has issued a frankly bizarre and rather bleak warning after discovering what a woman was hiding in her bra.
And no, it concerns neither Costco Cards nor a dude's manhood - although it somehow manages to be even more ridiculous.
We’ve all been there: sweaty, slightly panicked, fumbling for your boarding pass while trying to remember if you left a rogue bottle of shampoo in your bag. Going through airport security can be a nerve-wracking experience, even when you’ve got absolutely nothing to hide.
But this one Florida woman apparently took that anxiety to new extremes, attempting to smuggle not one, but two unexpected - and very much alive - items in her underwear.
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The TSA took to Facebook to share the incredulous - but also sad - story.
"OK friends, please - and we cannot emphasize this enough - stop hiding animals in weird places on your body and then trying to sneak them through airport security," the agency began, before explaining the reason behind the reminder.
It continued with a sentence you simply don't read every day: "A Florida woman traveling out of Miami International Airport (MIA) recently attempted to take a pair of turtles through our checkpoint, and the turtles were stuffed inside… yes, you guessed it… her brassiere."
Even worse, one of the poor little creatures - one which appeared to be wrapped in plastic wrap - didn't make it.
The idea of someone sitting through a who-knows-how-long flight with two turtles strapped to their chest is weird enough.
Let alone setting it up with such reckless abandon that one died! Poor thing.
"Sadly, for this MIA traveler, one of the turtles didn’t survive," the TSA said. "The surviving turtle was turned over to the Florida Department of Fish and Wildlife, and we’re thankful for their partnership throughout this incident."
The TSA also went on to advise people how best to travel with their pets - safely, that is.
It said: "You can start by reaching out to your airline for their rules concerning pets on board flights.
"As far as TSA screening goes, small pets are allowed through our checkpoint but must be removed from any carriers and carried through the checkpoint (notice we said 'carried' and not 'hidden underneath your clothing')."
Moral of the story? If your travel buddy has a shell and four legs, keep them in a carrier - not your cleavage. The TSA (and the turtles) would really prefer it.