Featured Image Credit: Getty Stock Images
Topics: Sex and Relationships, Life
Britt Jones
Micro-cheating is often overlooked as no big deal, because it’s not as obvious as full-on cheating. But it is just as damaging to a relationship.
If you believe your partner has been acting differently, or there are things they have started doing which is rubbing you the wrong way, it could be micro-cheating.
These little things may seem harmless or annoying, but they do so much more damage than you’d expect.
According to a 2015 poll by YouGov and The Economist, one in five Americans have admitted to being unfaithful within a committed relationship.
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That’s not all.
Even when many haven’t been unfaithful, they have at least considered it, as 41 percent of men and 28 percent of women admit to thinking about cheating.
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Ty Tashiro, psychologist and author of The Science of Happily Ever After: What Really Matters in the Quest for Enduring Love explained to NBC: “Though micro-cheating does not involve physical contact with someone outside the committed relationship, it’s important to avoid the temptation to overemphasize the ‘micro’ part of the phrase and remember that ‘cheating’ is the operative word.
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“When one betrays a partner’s trust there are always emotional consequences for the partner’s well-being and the integrity of the relationship.”
Micro-cheating can take many forms, and each couple will believe their own version of what constitutes.
However, clinical psychologist and couples therapist Helen Robertson listed four key signs that most couples would agree count as micro-cheating for news.com.au.
This is pretty common and involves someone in the relationship keeping their profile open as they explore options.
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Robertson says: "Even if they aren’t actively seeking out new relationships, the simple act of maintaining access to the app and scrolling through potential matches could be seen as a breach of trust."
It doesn’t matter how long ago the relationship was or whether it ended as friends, simply communicating with an ex-partner in secret is a serious form of micro-cheating.
Robertson explains: "The secrecy, rather than the communication itself, is often what creates tension."
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If you have nothing to hide, why keep it private?
You might not realize that building some kinds of emotional bond with someone outside of your relationship is a form of micro-cheating, but it is.
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This could be a colleague at work who is nicknamed your ‘work wife/husband’ and you both confide in each other regarding personal aspects of your lives.
You might go on ‘dates’ that are platonic, but to an onlooker would appear that you’re in a relationship.
Robertson says: "Activities that are often seen as romantic, such as going to movies or dinners, can blur the lines between friendship and something more intimate."
Social media can allow you the anonymity of flirting without consequence, but that doesn’t mean it isn’t micro-cheating.
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This could be liking posts of someone you find attractive, commenting flirty things or exchanging messages that if your partner saw, would be a major problem.
If can feel harmless, but it really isn’t.
Robertson says: "The anonymity and distance afforded by online platforms can make this behaviour feel harmless, but it often causes trust issues."
When it comes to micro-cheating, all you have to ask yourself is this: Would I be okay if I found out my partner was doing any of these things?
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Micro-cheating can come with a host of consequences, such as undermining the trust in your relationship, forcing your partner to question themselves and your relationship, leads to a disconnect, and creates a distance between each person.
Typically, it just isn’t worth it.